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I meandered around the table covered in chocolates for little while, trying to sneak a peek through the barn doors where the boys stood. I saw the back of Sam's head for a bit before Dean saw me watching and pulled him around the corner.
What the hell are they doing?
I finally gave up spying and wandered over to the old tack room that Joy had taken all the walls out of and turned into a cute little sun room. Though the sun had gone down a while ago it was still gorgeous. You could see thousands of stars through the giant panes of glass that now replaced the walls and the candles she had everywhere were just enough light to make it relaxing.
It really was great what she did with this place even though no one was ever going to use it again. When I closed the door to the room the music became just a soft thudding against the wall and I took a deep relaxing breath for the first time that day. I leaned back into the chair I had fallen into and just soaked in the stars.
My mind began to wander through what mom's heaven would be like, or if she had found anyone up there yet.
Maybe she found my baby... Oh my god I never told her! Whatever that would just have made it harder to say goodbye.
I couldn't help but think about how happy she would have been to see Joy's wedding, or that she is probably enraged that she didn't get to walk her down the aisle. I pictured her throwing a fit at a big gold gate yelling at some guy in a robe and giggled to myself as the door to the tack room creaked open.
"There she is! Ever the introvert..." Sam teased as he slid through the crack in the doorway and closed it behind him.
"Oh shut up we are exactly the same." I retorted smiling up at him as he walked over to the chair next to me.
There was something jerky about his movements, not hurried or sore, he seemed more alert than usual. Almost nervus.
"Is something wrong? Is there something here?" I asked sitting forward.
"Nothing's here. Dean just found something we had lost in Baby." He soothed, grabbing my good hand and running his thumb over my knuckles.
I nodded and took a deep breath, "okay. But you would tell me if there was right?" I asked more to calm myself than hear the actual answer.
"Of course I would Sunshine." He smiled, his voice putting me at ease.
I smiled back and leaned back into my chair still holding his hand as I gazed out at the stars. We rested in relative silence for a while, the only sound being the bass of whatever song was playing.
"You know before you came in I was thinking of mom." I mumbled as I reached that state of relaxation where everything seems to slow down a bit and it feels like nothing can go wrong.
"Oh yeah?"
I nodded, "I was thinking about what her heaven would look like. Then I got to thinking, what if she found our baby?" I hadn't intended to get overly emotional about it but I felt a lump forming in my throat.
"That's if she got up there...." Sam mused.
We had talked about this before, usually while I cried on his chest. We asked Dad to try to find her but so far we had heard nothing other than he was still looking for the rest of Cas.
"On a happier note," Sam bubbled changing the subject quickly, "I think Dean has captured one of the bridesmaids so we won't have him to worry about till tomorrow."
I turned to him and grinned, "Bless her soul..." I sighed in mockery of the stereotypical southern woman, "Which one was it do you know?" I asked giggling again.
"I have no clue, I wasn't paying attention to any of the other bridesmaids." He admitted casually, giving me a wink.
"Was my crying that distracting?" I asked sarcastically still leaned back in my chair as I crossed my casted arm over my torso. The little room was adorable but it was getting fairly chilly.
Sam leaned over the arm of his chair and with his free hand tucked a hair behind my ear, "everything about you is distracting."
I raised my eyebrow at him as he let go of my hand to take off his jacket and hand it to me.
"And you arent distracting?" I challenged shrugging into his fed threads.
He huffed in amusement and shook his head at me, "You're making this difficult." He sighed.
"Making what difficult?" I was genuinely confused now as he stood up and pulled me to my feet as well.
"Okay, I don't usually like to talk about my feelings so don't interrupt me or I might not be able to say the whole thing." He instructed hooking his fingers around the tips of mine in an 'almost hand holding' position.
"Okay..." I whispered a little scared but smiling encouragingly at the same time.
Sam took a deep breath and licked his lips before looking me directly in the eyes, "Evelynn Faye Bridge, I love you." I smiled and had to stop myself from responding any more so he would continue, "I love how much you care, about the big things and the stupid little things. I love your confidence. I love how you are never afraid to call me out on my bullshit." He paused to kiss my forehead as I giggled, "I happen to think your hair is absolutely perfect on you and you wouldn't be the same without it. You are fantastically beautiful, even when you cry." As he spoke he brought one hand up to cup my jaw and run his thumb over my cheek where my tears had been earlier. "Your eyes are breathtakingly gorgeous, especially when you're looking at me. Your lips are the most inviting pair of lips I have ever seen and produce the most magnificent smile I will ever lay eyes on." I tried biting my lip to keep from smiling too big like an idiot and he touched on that, "And that lip biting thing you're doing drives me crazy too." I giggled and looked down at our shoes until he continued, "You have gotten me to do things I haven't done in years just by being you. I love how much energy you have and how you use it. I love the fire you have in you and how driven you are when your fire starts burning. Its really emphasized by your hair swinging around everywhere with your cute little habit of flipping your head when you're angry." He smiled taking a curl in his fingers and twirling it just for emphasis. "You never notice it, but rooms literally brighten up when you enter them. Even when you're furious at me. I had no idea how fitting your nickname would actually turn out to be when I gave it to you but you really are my sunshine." His hands trailed their way down my arms and found my hands again, my cast only proving to be a small obstacle. "When we got you to the hospital after Metatron and the doctor told me they had taken you into emergency surgery I couldn't breathe." He finally looked away from my eyes and up at the ceiling to compose himself. When he looked back at me there were tears brimming in his eyes bringing more of my own tears forward. "The thought of them not being able to help you and feeling incapable to do anything for you absolutely tore me apart." His voice was beginning to waiver, "I have never cared so much about anyone, not even Dean." He gave me a nervous smile and blinked back his tears, "So now is almost to the part where you get to say something, but I have a question first."
Then he did something that made my heart stop for a good two beats then race faster than it ever has before.
He took a step back, reached in his pocket and got down on one knee.
"Evelynn Faye Bridge, you are my entire world and I love you more than life itself. Will you marry me?" He asked lifting the most elegant gold ring up in front of his chest.
I took in a breath but couldn't make myself let it go.
Oh my god. He just proposed.
After that my mind went completely blank. My short term memory was registering Sam in front of me and storing the images and emotions in my long term memory but my working memory failed as did my verbal and language center. I just stood there staring at him, completely frozen.
"Could you say something Sunshine? Please? You're making me even more nervous." He begged with an unsure smile and soft chuckle.