Amber’s P.O.V.
This is the memory
This is the curse of having
Too much time to think about it
It's killing me
This is the last time
This is my forgiveness
This is endless
- The memory, Mayday Parade
It’s hard being without the boys. I’m friends with Steph, yeah, but it wasn’t the same. Being around the boys is comfortable. And when they aren’t here, it’s hard for me not to think negative. Especially today. Because it’s been two months since… the incident. They didn’t know and were at some meeting with management. They’d been to meetings a lot lately and there I was, alone at home. My parents were crying that morning, and seeing your parents cry is the most heartbreaking thing ever. And this day, I couldn’t get the thoughts to the back of my mind. You’re worthless. Your lie will never go right. You’re ugly. YOUR SISTER IS DEAD. I screamed, leaning my head against the locked bathroom door. Yeah, bathroom. I looked down at my arm and saw the blood trickling down from three new cuts and some places where I had scratched the skin off on purpose again. I felt my tears running down my face, but I didn’t feel them. I felt my arm hurt, but I didn’t feel it. I felt my head throb, but I didn’t feel it. I felt numb and at the same time, I was hurt. My whole body was hurting, my heart was hurting. But I felt numb. I felt nothing. Completely nothing. My thoughts were blank, but I thought of my sister. I felt like I was deaf, but I heard myself scream and cry and my parents muffled sobs. I picked up the razor blade next to me once again and cut into my skin, forming a ‘V’ on my wrist. Some tears fell down on the cut and the salty liquid stung in the wound, I hissed and let out another sob. Memories were rushing through my head, every good and bad moment I had with Vicky. I pressed the TMNT I was wearing against my stomach, then pulled my legs close to my chest, laying my head on top of my knees. My phone buzzed with a message but I didn’t bother to check it, instead I let the sobs shake my body while the blood was dripping onto the floor, leaving red dots on the white tiles.
After what felt like forever, there was a knock on my door. “Amber?” I heard the familiar Australian accent ask. “I know you’re in there. Open the door, please” he said, sounding worried. I looked down on my arm and let out a quiet scream, causing him to knock at the door again. “Come on, open up” he said, but I just sat in the bathroom, hugging my knees. It must look like I murdered someone in here. And actually, I tried. I tried to kill the memory.
A/N:
I'm sorry, but I hadn't have any non-sad ideas for now, so you'll see what happens. I just have a lot of stress in school, my grandpa is in hospital and I'm just stressed oit a bit so I'm sorry if tis and the next chapter are a bit depressing.
Song of the chapter is The Memory by Mayday Parade, you wouldn't have guessed would you?
I'll try to get the next chapter done today because this is sooo short
I love you guys and pleaaaase vote because it means a lot to me, haha shamelessly begging on my knees
*SENDING VIRTUAL HUG*
Love to all of you, have a good day or a good evening, have a good time
- Amber xo
