Amber’s P.O.V.
I've had my wake up, won't you wake up
I keep asking why?
And I can't take it it wasn't fake it
It happened you passed by
-The day you slipped away, Avril Lavigne
When I woke up, I felt anxious. I didn’t know why, but I knew what was happening. I felt Calum’s arm around my waist and my body started to shake. My breathing quickened and I sat up in bed, causing Calum to stir in his sleep. My hands were cold and I pressed my palms to my knees, pulling them close to my chest. A fucking panic attack. I’m having a fucking panic attack. AGAIN. I’ve had panic attacks before, two to be exact. One right when I woke up after… you know and another one after a nightmare. And now, I was having one again. “Amber?” I heard Calum mumble and I slowly lifted my head from my knees and looked at him.
“Hey, are you okay?” he said quietly. He looked sleepy, tired. I slowly shook my head. “Everything’s okay” he mumbled as he sat up in bed and pulled me into his chest. My body was still shaking and tears began to stream down my face. Calum noticed and his face dropped. “Shh, don’t cry” he said quietly. I tried to force the tears back but they kept falling from my eyes as I remembered what happened yesterday. Thoughts rushed through my head, making it unable for me to concentrate on what Calum was saying. Black dots started to fill my vision and I immediately reacted. I focused on a picture on the wall of Calum’s room. It was Calum, for sure, with Michael. They were about 11 , had skateboards in their hands and looked at the camera smiling. Michael’s jeans were ripped and his knee was bleeding a little. “You’re safe, nothing’s gonna happen to you” I heard Calum say and I finally relaxed a little and my body stopped shaking. “Are you okay?” Calum asked again and this time, I nodded. “What happened?” he asked and I suddenly felt embarrassed. “I – uh- I was having a panic attack” I said and he smiled at me. “There’s no need to be embarrassed”” he said. How does he know I am? I smiled back at him. He reached out to wipe the tears on my face and I let out a giggle. “You better go home before our parents notice” he said and I swear I heard him mumble “and draw conclusions”. I nodded and picked up my sweats from the floor, put them on and tucked the hem of Calum’s shirt in the waistband. “I’ll borrow this for a while, okay? The shirt is a bit, uh, stained” I said and he shrugged “Sure” he said. Then he opened his window and I climbed from his to mine and pushed it open, thank god I didn’t close it properly. I hopped in my room, giving Calum a smile before sitting on my bed. I looked around the room, and I looked like a hurricane had gone through my room. I shattered a glass in the corner and threw sheets of paper (with lyrics on them) around the room. I sighed and began to pick up all the paper to place it back in the drawer of my nightstand. Then I picked up the bigger pieces of glass and threw them into the trash can. Then I picked up the few clothes and placed them in my dresser again. Remembering the mess in the bathroom, I let out a sigh. I was disgusted by myself. I opened the bathroom door carefully and saw the blood on the tiles. Eww. After I picked up the first aid kit Calum had used yesterday, I began to clean up the blood. Once the tiles were white again I decided I was finished and went back to my room to get some clothes for me to put on. I decided on my All Time Low shirt with a long sleeved grey cardigan and black tight jeans, then went to the bathroom and peeled out of my clothes to take a shower. I carefully removed the bandages from my wrists and looked disgusted at the red cuts. They were only thin, red lines but I was disgusted. I hated myself for doing this to me. I sighed and stepped into the shower, then started to sing, of course.
“Oh my god I’m such a terrible mess / I’m turned on by the tabloids you would never have guessed / that I’m a sucker for their gossip, man I take it too far / I bottle up my Hollywood and watch them name their kids after cars / I’m finding me out / I’m having my doubts / I’m losing the best of me / we’re all part of the same sick little games / And I need to get away / I’m wasting my days, I throw them away / losing it all on these sick little games”
I stepped out of my shower again and wrapped myself into a towel, then brushed my hair and blow dried it. Then I put my clothes on and finally stepped out of my bathroom, only just to see my mum in my room. “Morning” I said and tried to hide Calum’s shirt behind my bed. “Good morning” she said “I didn’t expect you to be up already”. “Uh, yeah, I woke up pretty early” I said. Situations with my um were awkward, and I didn’t know why, it just was like that. “Oh” she said and I just stood there, waiting for her to leave so I could move. “You can come downstairs for breakfast” she added and finally left the room. Why do you have to tell me? I mean, it’s not like you ever told me I couldn’t get breakfast. I placed the sweats and Calum’s shirt in my dresser and then went down the stairs. In the kitchen, I sat down on the table and quietly ate some toast, then wanted to get upstairs again, but before I could, my dad held me back by my arm. My mum had left the room and I sat back down and waited for him to speak. “Calum… didn’t leave alone, did he?” my father asked and I felt my face heat up. Fuck. I should’ve known my father would notice, because he always notices everything. “N-no he didn’t” I admitted and looked down on my lap. After a while, my dad still hadn’t said anything, so I looked up to see him smiling at me. “You’re not mad?” I asked and he chuckled quietly. “No, I’m not. Calum’s a nice guy, plus we were all down yesterday, so it probably was the best for you” he said and I smiled. Then I finally walked to my room again, closing the door shut behind me and picking up my guitar, after almost a week of not playing.
About three hours later, it was pouring outside. I was sitting on my bed with a blanket draped over my body, watching skins, my favorite series (A/N: WATCH IT IT’S AWESOME. But wait, don’t watch it if you aren’t at least thirteen). I was eating chips and my parents were out to go grocery shopping. Since it was Saturday, I wouldn’t have to go to school, so I just decided on staying home the whole weekend. I saw a lightning light up the sky for a brief moment, and seconds after thunder was booming loudly. I flinched and pulled the curtains in front of my window. I’ve always been scared of thunderstorms, I don’t even know why.
Then the doorbell was rung repeatedly and I jumped up from my bed to answer it as fast as I could, I thought it would be my parents. But when I opened the door, I saw soaked blue hair and a BOYSLIKEGIRLS shirt, belonging to a green eyed boy. Mike. “Micha-“ I started to say but he cut me off by pulling me into a tight hug. I hugged him back just as tight as I felt him sob. “I’m so sorry” he said loudly, and I pulled him into the house. I led him into the living room and forced him to sit down on the couch, then went to get a towel. When I came back, his teeth were shattering and I sighed. I threw the towel at him and he did nothing, so I picked it up again and started to dry his hair. Then, I looked at his completely soaked shirt and stood up again. “Where are you going?” he mumbled, and I just said “Getting something”. I walked up to my room and pulled Calum’s shirt out of my dresser. Since they were both the same height, I figured it’d fit. I walked into the living room again and Michael still sat where I left him, his head in his hands while his elbows rested on his knees. “Here” I said and handed him the shirt. “Th-this is Calum’s” he stuttered and I nodded “Yeah, I kind of borrowed it, so now put it on before you get sick” I bossed and he obeyed and changed shirts quickly. Then I sat down next to him. “What happened?” I asked and Michael looked at the floor, biting his lip. “I’m s-so sorry” he said quietly “I didn’t mean to, I forced him to, I didn’t think this would be what was wrong, I d-didn’t know, I-“ he blabbered until I cut him off “Mike!” I said “Calm down. What happened?” he sighed and looked up at me with teary eyes. “Calum told us”
A/N:
Uh oh...
The song she sung is Sick Little Games by All Time Low :)
ALSO CAN I PLEASE SIGN UP TO GET MY OWN CALUM HOOD FOR MORNING PANIC ATTACKS?
What am I doing to myself I was watching Clannad edits and I cried for about an hour, I shouldn't do this. (Clannad is my favourite anime and also the only anime I watch)
I don't know what to say but thank you (again) but this is getting old so I'd like to talk to you. Like, not really talk but you could comment? :) And I'd answer your comments, I promise! See, you have me begging on my knees! (kinda). You can always ask questions about the characters or about me :)
Vote, please? :)
I love all of you a lot!
-Amber xo
