Perception of Trust

T H R E E

I woke up an hour ago. The Excedrin had me completely knocked for the rest of the day. When I woke up, I was headache free and decided to join the girls in the living room. Since then we've watched two episodes of Charmed and placed an order for a few boxes of pizza.

"Guys can we take a break after this episode? I've been holding my pee since episode one!" Ashley pleads and we all begin laughing.

"Just go now, we'll just pause the show." Brianne laughed and Ashley jumps up, dashing to the bathroom.

Sierra, Amina and Brianne began small talk with one another. After a while of being completely silent, I finally spoke.

"Guys I'm sorry for the attitude I've been having with you guys all week," I begin, taking a pause to breath before continuing my apology. "I know I'm not the only one affected by Kennedy's... death, but it just hit a different type of way for me, in a way that through my entirety off balance; but that's not a valid excuse."

I took a break in my speech again, expecting tears to begin flowing, but instead I felt the tightness in my chest slightly loosen. I took another deep breath and continued.

"You guys are my rocks. All you have been doing since Kennedy's death is keep my head— my soul— above the water, and I've just been acting like an immature little kid. So I'm using now to say I'm sorry, and thank you for putting up with all of my nonsense these past few days."

I seal my apology and wait for their response.

"About time sis!" I hear Ashley say standing not to far from me, I didn't even notice her enter.

"We're not mad at you Nicki" Sierra says to me.

"Yeah, we've all be acting out of line since Kennedy's....departure." Brianne says.

As I watched her speak, tears began to well up in her eyes.

"Uh-uh, you better not" I looked away as I spoke.

I knew myself. Watching Brianne would lead to me bawling, so I stared at the still frame on the television screen. Soon after I heard Ashley begin to cry too. I looked at Amina and Sierra... they both got up to comfort their friends.

"It's okay guys" I heard Amina comment with a quivering voice.

"Just let it out." Sierra adds

I got up from where I was sitting and grabbed a piece of tissue paper for everyone in the room, including myself— just in case I would end up needing it.

The heavy mourning session lasted a while before any one spoke again.

"I miss her." Amina whispered first.

Next to me being Kennedy's closest friend was Amina. Then came Brianne, then Ashley and Sierra.

"Me too..." Brianne responds, wiping her eyes once more.

This was the very first time that the five of us have spoken about Kennedy's death openly, so everyone was overwhelmed with emotions. The mourning sessions went by like a blur... soon we were back to laughing and giggling as normal. To my surprise we were laughing about events from the same night that brought most of us all to tears earlier.

"Wait, so.... what happened? Cause I'm lost." Amina asks Ashley.

"So y'all remember how I was talking about going to catch the fine brownskin I saw?" Ashley refreshed and we all nod.

"Well, too make a long story short, he was feeling me as much as I was feeling him! He asked me out on a date to go get some Caribbean food, then he got my number. He seems authentic, I think I'll boo him up.