Perception of Trust

S E V E N

*
March nineteenth...

Two weeks after Kennedy's vigil and almost a month after her death. Her funeral's tonight.

After the vigil I got into a little fight with the girls and decided that it would be best for me to stay at a motel until they reopened the dorms. Two weeks ago, when they were suppose to open our building back up, a water pipe busted, they didn't get it fixed until this Tuesday, so my dorm building opened back up Tuesday night. Although I told Amina that I wasn't going back to my room I forced myself to visit it Wednesday afternoon, I went with Amina. There was a high pile of letters and flowers with a big picture of Kennedy. Being there again brought multiple tears to my eyes so Amina took me to go eat, when we came back Wednesday evening the pile had depleted, turns out security had removed them, but I got everything back from security and brought it into the room. Amina and I sat in my dorm for 2 hours, reading all the hand written letters addressed to me and Kennedy's family... I cried; for a while... I cried, but I shook it off as much as I could.

On Thursday I was ready, I finally got my phone from Sierra. She refused to leave me alone to open it so she brought me to Axel's house, where I turned on my phone that was still on 38% from the night I last used it. The entire twenty minutes leading to my phone's death had me sobbing. My lock screen was a picture of her, but the thing that triggered me was the different text messages I received from that night up to the day of her vigil. I forced myself to open all my messages my Instagram, Snap, Twitter. Thankfully I opened more than half of them before my phone decided to die.

Thursday I spent the night in my dorm but slept at Amina's. Her roommate had been MIA for months so there was no problem with me sleeping in the room with her.

I left Amina's  in the morning at 4 with less than four hours of sleep. I kept having crazy dreams and just couldn't sleep. I kept waking up thinking that someone else was in the room. Since then I've been in my dorm room by myself.

After calling all of my family and responding to all my messages and emails, I clean my phone out, change my case and lock screens, deactivate all of my social medias and decide to shut my phone off until after Kennedy's funeral. When Chantelle invited me she stressed that I was to only wear white just like we did for the vigil. I got ready very slowly. I took a shower and washed my hair for an hour. I blew my hair out once I got out so that I could properly braid it down and place my wig cap over it. I only owed two wigs, one asymmetrical bob and a twenty-two inch loose wave curl wig. I didn't do my makeup because I knew it'd be ruined by the end of the night. I went with a fully bare and moisturized face. I slipped into a long white lose bodycon gown and stud earrings. I paired the outfit with a pair of white wedges she got me. I looked so simple, but I was satisfied.

...

Sierra dropped Amina and I at the funeral home first, then went to pick up Brianne and Ashley and get ready.

Amina and I didn't talk, we just entered and went to our seats. A few minutes passed and Kennedy's biological mother got up to welcome and speak on the death of her first daughter.

The service was very long, many speeches were given and people just kept pouring in. I gave my speech, but I made it quick so that I wouldn't cry.

After my speech the funeral service flew by and ended. Once it was over I went around and thanked some of the attendees for coming and also said hi to a few people. I gave Kennedy's dad a big long hug. We exchanged a few words before he asked me to call him whenever I'm free. The request seemed a bit odd, but I assured him that I would.

I then ran into Kennedy's little sister Kimani. The poor thing was just in tears. She was just hugging me tighter and tighter. All I could do was pray for her in my mind. After a bit she finally spoke.