( a/n i'm writing this on 4/8/19 , tomorrow i'm letting go of something that was a big part of my life and i think i'm finally actually ready to do it which is extremely surprising. you know i think i honestly kind of found myself recently.i loved the wrong person for a long time and didn't realize at the time i guess ,but now i don't really love anyone in that way anymore. it just won't work out with anyone and me i guess.i recently got over my last crush which was less difficult then i thought it would be ,but it's for the best it wouldn't of worked out anyway so yeah that's just something i wanted to get of my chest well hope you in enjoy this imagine :)
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would it all turn out the same? is the question i keep asking myself over and over again? if i actually truly knew that grayson didn't love me anymore, would it all turn out the same? thinking about it now i knew he didn't love me anymore,but i was just so in love with him i wanted to believe that he loved me. i wanted to believe that he felt the same way about me as i did him. it's so crazy how just one day you can wake up and stop loving someone. does that mean you truly never loved them? or you didn't really love them you just thought you did? i truly did love grayson for such a long time ,but as we went deeper into whatever we were i noticed that he was very manipulative and controlling to be honest ( keep in mind i would never say these things about grayson it just the story line oof ) in the beginning he was amazing,sweet,nice,funny and i saw the good in him ,but just one day out of no where he changed. he became very jealous,mean,rude,manipulative,controlling,and very mentally damaging. he just completely changed and it was like i didn't even know him anymore. i didn't know that grayson at all. he was always controlling on who i talked to and what i did for the day. he wanted me to be at his beck and call ( a/n think that's a metaphor? idk? ) i always had to be with him or texting him. he always got mad when i texted anyone else ,but yet he could text other people? he called me names such as stupid bitch,asshole,bitch,dumb ass, and a bunch of other bad and most definitely hurtful names. at this point i can't really believe i ever loved such a bad person. he messed me up mentally i started eating less to be able to respond to him. i went out less more like never to be there whenever he wanted or needed me. i made sure that I was there for him 100% of the time so he would get upset or mad and start making me feel bad about not being there. that shit was not and will never be healthy for a person. i was so caught up in "love" if that's even what it was? to ever notice that the situation i was in was wrong and no one should ever go through that shit. the only good thing i got out of the situation is knowing what true love actually is now. it's most definitely not any of the things i went through. love is a two way relationship i shouldn't of been the only one commuting,putting the time, and effort into whatever the hell we were. after months of grayson blocking un blocking me,popping in and out of my life i finally and i never thought this would happen but i finally found myself. you shouldn't depend on others to make you happy the only person that can make you truly happy is yourself. i just never realized that because i was too blinded with thinking i was in love with him. this whole situation best described in one quote is " i was blind. everybody told me what it was but i didn't fucking listen cause i though i was in love.i wish i never met you bitch you fucking killed my buzz. you ain't having a fucking reason you played me because you could." - domo wilson ( song- i wish i never met you ) i relate to that whole song actually with this situation because it really sums up what it is. you know the saying " it is what it is " it's true all this shit is in the past there's nothing we can do to change it now so just let it be. he left me months ago i just morned over it for so long but i'm finally over it. it's for the best.
( a/n lmao kinda threw a lot of personal shit in here oh well <\3 )
