( a/n have you ever been so sad that you heart actually hurts? well that's how i feel right now. my heart is broken as i write this also currently crying )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
today was probably one of the worst days at school ever. it started with this morning as i was at my locker i saw grayson and smiled and he gave me a weak smile back and just walked away. which is unusual me and grayson are normally close as hell ,but something seemed off about him he was more distant then normal. i didn't think to much of it at the time i just thought he was in a rush or something? as the day continues lunch eventually comes around. i walk to my normal lunch table and sit next to grayson as i sat down he just looked at me and looked away and took out his lunch. our table soon began to fill up with our other friends. my best friend sat down on the other side of me. i gave her a quick smile before she went to go get her lunch while she was away i just thought about grayson and thought did i do something wrong? to make him mad or upset at me? what did i do? was the only words that replayed in my head as i barley ate my lunch. my other friend came back and sat down with her lunch as she began eating. i attempted to start a conversation with grayson but he responded with a short, and simple answer as if he didn't want to really talk to me. i just shook the sad feeling i had and started talking to my other friend. hey at least i tried was something i kept replaying in my head over and over again. once it was time to clean up and go to next period normally me and grayson walked with each other to next period but i just walked by myself to see if he would catch up with me as he normally does ,but he didn't i glanced quickly behind me and noticed he was far behind walking his own pace. i just continued walking to my next period. i couldn't get my mind off grayson. did i do something wrong? why is he ignoring me? as my friend walked up to me i felt a wave of sadness overcome me but i cover it up with a weak smile.
" hi "
i said as my friend came over.
" hey. what's up?"
my friend says.
" nothing much "
i lied there was so much going on ,but did my friend really care maybe? my friend gave me a i know you better then that look. i sigh before i start my sentence.
" i guess grayson is just on my mind today."
i laugh
" i mean when is he not ,but that's besides the point. i don't know i just feel like grayson is mad at me or something because he's ignoring me and not talking to me really."
i sigh really sadly.
" he's been more distant lately."
she sighs in sympathy for me. i say
" it's okay it just kinda hurts because i love grayson and i want to know what's wrong with him. "
my friend looks at me and says
" it will be okay. maybe he's just having a bad day?"
my friend says as they walk away. leaving me alone. i mutter under my breath.
" yeah maybe "
i wait impatiently for the next bell to ring to go to next period all throughout the day i just think of grayson and why he might be asking like this. i can't come up with a answer making me upset and confused. as last period rolls around which me and grayson have together. what makes is even great is that we have assigned seats next to each other ( not the sarcasm ) normally i walk with grayson to last period since we have it together ,but at this point i'm aggravated at him and decide it's best to just walk to class by myself today rather then walking awkwardly with grayson to class and not saying a word to each other. i walk into last period and sat down at my seat my eyes flicked to the door opening and seeing grayson walk in. i quickly look away and just look anywhere besides where grayson is. as i just sit there silently and awkwardly i felt grayson presence next to me i look out of the comer of my eye to see grayson siting there silently looking at the front of the classroom. i'm so tempted to say something but what is there to say? so i just wait for the teacher to give us instructions to do something as soon as the teacher finishes giving instructions i get the materials i need and notice grayson is just looking at his paper. even thought i'm still upset at him i guess i get him the materials he needs to and i walk back to our table and sit down in my chair. i sat down my supplies and gave him his supplies without looking at him and he mutters a quick
" thank you."
i say almost inaudibly
" you're welcome."
he probably didn't hear me but oh well. i just simply work on my work quietly and as i'm halfway through with my work i sense someone looking at me and i quickly glance out if the comer of my eye and see grayson looking at me and as soon as he notices i noticed that he was looking at me he quickly looked away and continued his work as if nothing happened. i just shrug it off even though it had me questioning myself a lot inside my head. why was he looking at me? why isn't he talking to me? what the fuck is going on? i just continue doing my work too and couple more times i noticed grayson starring at me. the tension between me and grayson was uncomfortable,but i looked at the clock and noticed we only had five more minutes. i can do this i thought to myself. as the last bell of the day rings i quickly walk out of class to go to the dismissal area and leave school. i notice grayson walking in front of me walking and talking to the persons i hate the most sara ( a/n random name btw ) my blood boils as i see this horrible sene. i know i'm probably over reacting ,but don't even get me started on sara. i hate her and she hates me. yeah i can't really control who grayson is friends with and talks to ,but seriously grayson is being fucking petty he knows how much i hate her. he wants to fucking ignore me but sure has enough time to give sara his time of day wow shows how much he "loves" me. i walk past them as i make eye contact i can tell he has guilt in his eyes ,but i just roll my eyes as i'm obviously fucking hurt by his actions. i feel my knees become weak and feel tears form around the bottom of my eye lids ( a/n or whatever the fuck it's called ) i walk to my moms car and get in and close the door i feel voice start to break as my mom asks how my day was
" um yeah it was good "
i say as i wipe a tear away. of course my mom ask what happened and i explained to her what happened she responded with.
" it's okay sweetie you can't be mad over something little like this. life's too short to get mad over the little things. maybe grayson was just having one of those days just like you have?"
i want to tell my mom why this situation truly hurts me but i decide to still keep that a secret instead i simply respond with a quiet
" yeah maybe "
as i wipe my tears away. my heart kinda feels broken if only my mom understood why this situation effected me so much...if only she knew...
( a/n i feel empty now )
