( a/n your love feels so fake and my demands aren't hard to make )
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lips meet teeth and tongue
my heart skips eight beats at once
if we were meant to be, we would have been by now
see what you want to see, but all i see is him right now
me and grayson's relationship was like too good to be true. in the open eye we seemed like the perfect couple. we never argued in public basically we never seemed to have problems with each other in the public eye. however behind closed doors me and gray had many problems. i get it. it's good to argue sometimes but not all the time. not every single fucking day. it was getting repetitive at this point. all me and gray did was argue with each other and that's hella unhealthy. most of the arguments were solved by well you know what. his touch just made me feel so type of way. i keep on telling myself that i still love him and we can make our relationship work but somehow i just know that's not the answer. if me and gray were truly meant to be we would have been by now. see me and gray sometimes have very heated arguments. him throwing shit and yelling. me yelling and throwing shit too. so me and him arguing with each other doesn't always end well. therefor i leave the house and stay somewhere else until things cool down. you're probably wondering. where do you stay? well i stay with zach. me and zach have been good friends for a long time now. we have never been anything more then friends. although lately with all this arguing between me and gray. zach has been the only one i can really go to at this point. zach makes me feel safe and protected. yeah he kinda seems like a bad guy but he's actually not. he's in fact the opposite of a bad person. when i think of zach grayson isn't really in the picture anymore.
i'll sit and watch your car
with the fire that you started in me
but you never came back to ask it out
go ahead and watch my heart burn
with the fire that you started in me
but i'll never let you back to put it out
being with grayson truly did change me. i wasn't like this before. i'm changed now. he hurt me and hasn't done anything to fix it and will probably never try to fix it. did i hurt him? yes, most likely but i apologized countless times. after every argument we have i always apologize to him. me and gray have stoped talking now it's been little over a month. i've been staying at zach's place. i honestly truly do appreciate everything zach has done for me. all this shit with gray has me thinking. was it ever me? did he ever actually love me? why did this happen? all i ever did was love him. gray literally hasn't sent me one apology text. not one nothing. hell at this point if he even tries to apologize. i won't allow it. i'm finally starting to get over it and not care about gray so much anymore since me and him are over.
your love feels so fake
and my demands aren't high to make
if i could get to sleep, i would have slept by now
your lies will never keep, i think you need to blow 'em out
thinking back on me and gray's relationship. it seems crystal clear now that he never loved me. his love always felt so damn fake but i was to in love with him to see that he truly didn't love me back. did he ever actually love me? is one of the questions that constantly runs through my mind. i didn't even fucking ask for much. hell i didn't even ask for anything that i wouldn't have gave to him. all i wanted was him to love me but i obviously never got that. i honestly now think he was just using me. i wish i would of saw that when we were dating. that would of saved much time. to actually spend time with someone that truly loves me. looking back at it ( aye look back at it ) he lied to me a lot and i was so dumb to believe those lies. why you ask? it's because i loved him at the time. i never had the thought that he was lying to me. i believed him that was so dumb of me to do. i really thought he was always honest with me but turns out not one thing he said was true. i should of never kept his lies.
i'll sit and watch your car burn
with the fire that you started in me
but you never came back to ask it out
go ahead and watch my heart burn
with the fire that you stared in me
but i'll never let you back to put it out
tbh i'm just fed up at this point. he never loved me but i truly loved him. all those i love yous were fake. he didn't mean it. he was just using me but i haven't figured out for what yet. it's just sucks you spent your time on someone who never and will never love you. i have him everything. for what at this point? i have one person to thank and that's zach. he's helped me through a lot. grayson is going to be the farthest thing in my mind soon.
when you call my name
do you think i'll come runnin'?
you never did the same
so good at givin' me nothin'
when you close your eyes, do you picture me?
when you fantasize, am i your fantasy?
now you know
now i'm free
grayson's literally can't possibly think i'll come back running back to him. after everything he put me through. hell no. not in a million years would i go back to that asshole. he deserves nothing of me. i literally gave him everything i could. you know. use to the only thing i could picture or fantasize about would be grayson. what me and grayson could be. my nonexistent future with grayson was the only thing i dreamed of. believe it or not but i actually truly wanted a future with gray. i wanted him in my future but looks like that's not going to happen. at least now i know that i'm free.
i'll sit and watch your car burn
with the fire that you started in me
but you never came back to ask it out
watch my heart burn
with the fire that you started in me
but i'll never let you back to put it out
he let my heart burn but maybe it's for the best. he changed me now. i know how toxic relationships are now so i know the signs of one. i just can't believe that's the end of em bad gray. i thought we would last forever. oh well i always have zach who is actually a good person and cares about me. also plus he's not using me. which that's new. i was so use to being used it's nice to not be used for once.
never let you back
let you burn, let you burn
never gonna let you back
let you burn
no matter what i have to promise myself that I won't let grayson back. me and gray weren't endgame ( i'm lmao ) and will never be endgame. we weren't meant for each other. i truly thought we would last forever but not everything's forever.
( a/n hey lmao it's been a quick second since i posted it's because tbh life was too much at the moment so i was un motivated to write but now i'm sorta back. ily <3 )
