( a/n i know this song kinda has a controversial meaning,but Billie said the meaning of this song is she liked this boy but he didn't like her back so she wishes it was because he's gay. that's what Billie said the meaning of the song was so imma make an imagine off it )
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i've had a crush on grayson dolan for a while now and it hurts because he doesn't feel the same way about me. me and gray have been best friends since we were in diapers. we have been through hell and back together,so many memories that i cherish so much. so many nights i remember where me and gray would just stay up for hours talking and hanging out. talking about the most weirdest stuff,but somehow we managed to continue for hours talking about random shit. i guess it's cliché,but i've had a crush on him for a while now. obviously he doesn't know it would make shit awkward and that's the last thing i want. i want me and gray's friendship to last forever. i can't imagine my life without him. he is and will always play an important part in my life. he's so caring,nice,sweet,and so beautiful. he's so many other things the list could go on forever. he's such a sweet guy. i couldn't ask for a better friend in life it just sucks that i like him and he doesn't like me like that. today i'm going to go to his house to hang out for a little bit and i think i might tell him that i like him. my thoughts are interrupted by grayson calling. i pick up the phone and answer the call. he says
" hey i was just calling because i was wondering if you're still coming over ?"
i respond with
" yeah i'm on my way. i'll see you later dolan."
gray just says
" okay see you then. bye."
then he hangs up. i put my phone down and change into ripped jeans,a thrasher shirt,and then whit vans. basic i know but it's my style. anyway i head on over to grayson house oh i forgot to mention he lives right next door to me. i arrive at his doorstep and knock on the door and to my surprise lisa answers the door. she motions for me to come in and i walk into their house. to be honest it's like a second home to me. my thoughts are interrupted by lisa hugging me and saying
" hey your getting so tall. i remember when you were a little itty bitty kid. they grow up so fast."
i just smile nodding my head. lisa says
" anyway you're probably looking for grayson. he's in his room doing whatever he does,but if you need anything holler at me okay."
i smile and say while heading up stairs.
" okay will do."
i make it to gray's room before knocking on the door. soon enough gray opens the door signaling for me to come in. i walk into his room for the millionth time. i don't think i'll ever get tired of being in his room. it's probably my favorite place besides my room. anyway gray says
" you okay?"
i snap out of my thought and say
" oh yeah sorry just blanked out for a little i guess."
he smiles and says.
" oh okay"
ugh that smile. that smile will always have an effect on me. seeing gray happy makes me the happiest person in the world. i love seeing him smile more then anything in the world. i soon become a little sad thinking about what i'm going to confess to him. i see gray looking at me,but once he notices i caught him he quickly looks away. i just kinda shrug it off although it was kinda usual for him to do. after mentally giving myself a pep talk in my head. i finally think i've built up the courage to tell him i like him.
" hey gray."
he smiles before looking at me and says.
" hey."
i smile and slightly laugh at him being awkward.
" um i need to tell you something important."
he gives me kinda a nervous smile. i could tell he's kinda unsure how to feel but he says
" what is it?"
i blurt out.
" i like you grayson and i've liked you for a while now. it's not like you as a friend i like like you. like i want you to be my boyfriend and i want to be your girlfriend."
he just sits there in shock which makes me feel anxious. i feel dizzy almost like everything is going slow motion. i soon hear grayson's voice say.
" um sorry to say it i don't feel the same way."
tears begin to fall down my cheeks. i say.
" i'm not trying to start any shit,but why don't you like me?"
he shifts uncomfortably before saying.
" umm i don't know?"
i scoff while crying before saying.
" bullsbit grayson you know why you don't like me. just fucking say it. don't lie. telling me the truth is better then lying.i hate liars."
he just sits there not saying a word and not making eye contact with me. he finally looks at me with a guilty look in his eyes. my heart sinks. please no.please let it be because he's gay.
" um it's because-"
i cut him off before he can finish. i start sobbing as i try to say.
" ple-please let i-it be be-because you-you're ga-gay"
he shakes his head no. i break down sobbing.
" it's because j have a girlfriend."
it all feels un real it can't be. he can't have.i sigh getting up and saying.
" it's okay gray. you live your life and i'll live mine.it was nice knowing you. you have me great memories that i'll cherish forever,but i can't do this anymore."
before gray has the chance to say anything. i slam the door walking out of his house back to my house. i run up to my room and lock the door. i run to my bed and lay on there crying my eyes out. i couldn't believe what had just happened. i lost my best friend by telling him i like him. what's worse is that he doesn't like me back because he has a girlfriend. i just kinda wish he was gay...
( a/n to me this was kinda good but idk kinda not? <3 )
