( a/n fun fact i kinda like hate this song now anyway i'm literally so scared for school tomorrow because i dyed like two strands of my hair pink and it's very vibrant and bitch the school dress code says "unnatural hair color shall be discussed with assistant principal" and i'm over here like a lot of people have different colored hair like blue,pink, and other colors but i know me being me i'll get in trouble smh )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
love. such a simple and small word,but means so much. love is something most people hope to find or experience. most of the time it goes well and people end up falling in love with each other. then they end up getting married. then they spend the rest of their life's with each other and that warms my heart. i always wanted to fall in love,but i'm scared of what my love would turn out to be. my luck they'll cheat on me or the relationship would end up baldy. which would really hurt me. the one person i love the most and am in love with is grayson dolan. me and him are good friends actually. me and him have been friends for about a year now,but it feels like we knew each other since forever. i'm so glad i met him. he kinda changed me in a good way and taught me a lot. i noticed before we met he was very distant not very talkative. he was so mysterious and i wanted answers. we eventually started talking and look at us now we're practically best friends. i tell him i love him all the time,but i guess he doesn't believe it all that well. i think i actually might love him more then i think i do. i think i'm in love with him. do i want to be in love with him? well i don't know i don't have a chance with him he's too good for me. he deserves better then me,but i want him. do i need him? no but i really want him to be mine though. what i wouldn't give for him to love me as much as i love him. i can't really tell if he likes me the same way because he's so mysterious. i talk all the time and all he does is just listen. he says he like when i talk which i'm faltered by( and i oop- ) the thing is i want to know more about him. i want to know everything about him,but he won't tell me. i can tell he trust me,but he's just still not all too sure wether to tell me everything or not. i mean i don't blame him trusting people is hard. after you thought you could trust a lot of people,but that ended up bad or caused problems. today we were in school. school is a whole other thing,but as usual it's filled with drama. grayson is a wonderful person so he's friends with lots of people which i don't mind that much. expect this one person grayson's friends with vallery. ( a/n random name btw ) just the mention of vallery gets my blood boiling. which is not a great thing once i hate you well that's how it's kinda going to be forever. trust me you don't want to get on my and side. i get mad and it's not pretty. anyway i wish grayson would get some sense and see that vallery isn't a good person he deserves so much better. yeah they're not fucking dating or anything ,but i don't know why but them being just friends makes me mad. what i do for gray and vallery to not be friends anymore. vallery hates me and i hate her. grayson obviously has a favorite,but he just won't fucking tell me which pisses me off. if it's not me that's okay just be honest. i want to be his favorite,but i'm probably not. many of our friends think he likes me. which i wish he did,but he fucking doesn't which kinda um hurts but you know life will go on. i made my way to last period which i have with gray. me and him also sit next to each other which isn't a problem unless i'm and at him. it's really hard to be when he's right next to me. i was sitting down waiting for class to start when gray walks in and sits next to me. i was kinda pissed off this whole entire day by the whole vallery and grayson situation. you may think i'm overeating which i probably am,but it's just ugh see the thing is i think i like grayson. as much as i wish i wouldn't i do. it would never work out between me and him because well he's too good for me and he obviously seems to be having fun with vallery so most likely he doesn't like me. i always think maybe he does? but what if he doesn't and i'm scared to tell him because it would ruin our friendship and that's the last thing i want. anyway i was siting at the desk looking at the front of the room with a resting bitch face because like i said before i was obviously pissed at this whole situation.
" hi "
grayson said as he looked at me. i could tell he knew something was wrong,but he couldn't quite figure it out. he guesses right though.
" are you mad at me?"
he asks. i want to be mad at him because i have a reason too but damn those eyes are what turns me to let him go this time.
" i'm kinda and at you,but sadly i don't think i'll ever be able to be mad at you forever."
i explained to him why i was mad and he tried to comprise and make me feel better,but it wasn't working. i eventually ended up giving in because i hate arguing with him. sometimes i like hate love because it fucking sucks knowing that one person you love more then anything else in this world will never love you back. it hurts and sucks the most. yes there's a slight chance he might like me back,but i will never know. i wish i was bold enough to ask,but um you know anxiety well i have it so i would probably have an anxiety attack asking the question which i don't want to happen so um yeah i'll never know. see asking this question is riding a roller coaster. it's scary at first but then once you do it you realize it wasn't that bad. it's like that,but like um you know even more scary after. he simply smiled in response to me not being mad at him anymore. i always tend to daydream about me and gray. daydream about what me and gray could be,but sadly won't ever be...
( a/n you see i had a whole plot for this to like make gray end up liking her back but sometimes life just doesn't work out. i'm literally dying laughing over here how much shade is in this and how much it sounds @ someone i smh someone stop me please & thank you btw guys this is just an a imagine and means literally nothing at all to me so *laugh* don't assume anything or get any ideas okay thank you byeeeee :)
