Why Don't We Sickfics

Tourette's Syndrome

(Author's note: This is the first time I've tried writing a chapter in first person present tense instead of third person past tense. However, I've never experienced Tourette's, and because not much is known about it, this might not be exactly accurate to those who experience Tourette's. If you have any suggestions on how to make this story more accurate, I would really appreciate it. I had somebody help explain things to me, to whom I thank very much.)

(Tourette's Syndrome causes uncontrollable tics, which are usually repeated actions. Tics can be vocal, such as the repetition of a sound; or physical, such as a twitch. The tics can occur for short periods of time. They are often worsened by anxiety or excitement, or an uncomfortable environment, such as a cold room. Tourette's is different for everyone, and not all people have the same tics for the same reasons or same degrees of severity. Different people have different tics that can be more or less frequent than other people’s tics.)

(This story is written predominantly from Jack's perspective. It will be noted when the perspective switches between characters.)

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Some people tell me that I have a vivid imagination. You might think that's childish, maybe too childish for someone who's almost 20.

But I like the way that my thoughts can transport me to different worlds. How I can see things in ways that others refuse to consider. How the world can be magical... fascinating, really, and nobody else sees the things that go on in my head. To be fair, life isn't all rainbows and unicorns, and to every bright, glorious imagination, there's a dark, gloomy one as well. As in everything, really, there are two sides to it.

But my favorite part about having a vivid imagination is that it lets me pretend I don't have Tourette's.

Oh sure, tell me I'm lucky. Go ahead and tell me that I don't have it as bad so many other people in this world. That I should be grateful that I get to sing as my career. That I have a roof over my head, clean water runs from the taps, and the fridge is never too empty.

And I am grateful. For all of it.

That still doesn't mean that Tourette's is easy to handle.

Up until high school, I was nothing to my classmates but "the boy with Tourette's". It haunted me through my youth; kids who didn't want to play with me because my tics were 'weird' or 'creepy',  "friends" who didn't want to invite me to their houses because they thought their siblings would find me scary, teachers who refused to believe that I couldn't control my tics and punished me for them. The only people I could count on were my sisters... but eventually, they, too, got tired of having to ward off my bullies for me.

When high school started, I made every effort to prove them wrong. It helped that I had moved to a new school, where most of the people were strangers.

I started posting videos of my singing to the Internet. I found a platform called YouNow and started livestreaming on it when I could. I started performing out on the streets downtown. I made a new name for myself.

And now I'm in a successful band.

But I still have Tourette's.

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Being bullied can do a lot to a child. We all grew up with the rhyme about sticks and stones and broken bones, but words can hurt too. Even just a label, just being the kid in the corner of the playground, just being the one picked last for everything, just being the one who was left without a partner in every single project... I started developing a need for everything to be right. The need became something of an obsession, and somewhere along the lines, the train jumped the tracks and I was diagnosed with anxiety.