Homeless (a Hetalia Fanfic, Book Three)

Chapter 25~!

Just a quick warning: there are multiple F-bombs dropped in this chapter. I thought I should warn you because I know there are children under the age of thirteen who read this *pointed look at you reckless children* I'm not going to censor myself, though. 

Anyway! Just thought I'd give you a heads-up! On to the chapter~ And have a wonderful Hetalia Day, 2K14!

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"Agh..." I moaned as I sat up in the dust and put a hand against my throbbing head. "God... Why does the world hate me?"

I assumed the note had been discovered on the same day that I'd left, which meant Alfred found out I was gone two days ago. The fit had been last night.

In the Outback of Australia, there wasn't a lot of important stuff to destroy. 'Wow. Maybe I should have just become a hermit and lived here instead of traveling around so much. Would've been cheaper...'

To my right and about a hundred yards away, a tree had recently been split down the middle. Judging by the long splinter embedded in the side of my left hand, I got the clue that I had been the one to do it.

"Hiiyah," I said softly, pantomiming a karate chop. "Jeez, what the hell do I do during these freaking fits? Become the Dragon Warrior?"

Movie references aside, it was about time to head back to Switzerland and face the consequences for my actions. I got to my feet and muttered obscenities at my fractured left tibia-- yet another result of the fit, undoubtedly.

"Oh, yay. Let's hobble around a little bit," I cheered unenthusiastically.

As I limped away very, very slowly, the sun rose higher into the sky and beat down on my neck and shoulders. 'Oh, that reminds me. Where did I stash my pack?'

Oh, there it was, behind that bush.

HSSSSSSS...

~

"And that, children, is why I didn't just become a hermit in the Australian Outback," I stated to no one, seeing as how I was completely alone. That was how I wanted it to be, though.

At least, that's what I thought I wanted at one point in time...

The snake-- poisonous, without a doubt-- lay dead at my feet, its head severed from the rest of its body. It had been coiled up right next to my pack, and I'd just barely been able to avoid its attack when I picked up my things. "That's what you get, motherfucker. You don't mess with the one and only state of Oregon."

~

The broken bone healed itself over the course of the day, and I made sure it was set properly before I gritted my teeth and began my trek. Yes, I know that is a stupid-ass decision, but I elected to ignore the smart thing out of necessity. I couldn't very well stay out here when I needed to get back to the base in Switzerland. 'Home, sweet home...' I thought ironically.

I won't bore you with the details of traveling back to civilization, then out of Australia and back to Europe. Instead, let's cut to the exciting part of returning to the base.

Using a cheap phone I bought during the plane's temporary stop in Romania, I called Kylie and told her I was on my way back.

"See? I totally knew you'd be back soon," she replied. "How, uh, how bad was the damage this time?"

"It was minor this time," I answered. "A fractured tibia and a giant-ass splinter in my hand. I karate-chopped a tree in half, I think."

"... What the hell do you do during these weird-o fits?" she asked incredulously.