Make 'Em Laugh: My Reign as the Clown Prince

Holiday

"Puddin', what are we doing for Thanksgiving?" Harley asked. 

"Not sitting around and eating food like you're thinking. I've got plans."

She frowned.

"But it's a holiday, Puddin'...."

"Exactly why today is the perfect day! All the superpeople - under the guise of their alter egos - will be home with their families and friends. Yuck. So nobody can stop me! See? It's brilliant."

"It is," Harley echoed, her eyes wide and shiny. 

"Yeah, and that's why you're not coming."

"Puddin'!" Harley cried as I strolled out the door in my new Thanksgiving suit and inflatable turkey grenades, a man on a mission. "You can't leave me alone on a holiday! It's a family holiday!"

"And, gee, I'm so glad we're not family!" I hollered back. She sank down on the step and cried.

I drove in my new, shiny, grape-purple, Mercedes all the way to the headquarters of the Justice League. I'd been planning for months to break into their database and steal every file, then publish them to the web and ruin the crimefighters. The night before, I had painstakingly shaped some C-4 into little turkeys, and I was happy that my Thanksgiving helpers were all the firepower I needed to get into the secret computer room, where I found....

Let's see. Who's all here? Well, there's Gotham's favorite flying rat impersonater, and his buddy the big, blue, Boy Scout from another planet with his lady and her golden lasso. Mr. Super-Speed asked He Who Talks To Fish to pass the mashed, thanks much, and the man with the green power ring was all the way down at the end of the table, his hand on Black Canary's leg. The blonde with the supersonic scream was turning to him at the moment.

"Move it," she said, looking pointedly across the table at her former main squeeze, Green Arrow. 

"Joker," said Batman carefully.

"Oh, hi, Batsy." I smiled my widest smile back at him politely. 

"You'd like it if I pulled up a chair, settled down, and we ate this one meal as friends, like the Native Americans and the Pilgrims. See, I remember some things from school. But there's just some things I can't forgive...how many Thanksgivings have I had to miss because you've put me away in Arkham? How many fourth Thursdays in November have I spent eating stringy, institutionalized turkey with lukewarm gravy and cardboard spuds? You've never tasted Arkham food, have you, Supe?"

"Well, I live in Metropolis...." 

"It doesn't matter!" I raged. "You've all put me away at some point. And someone is going to have to pay...."  Obviously the original plan wasn't going to work, and eight against one was never a fair fight, so, in a moment of desperation, I leaped, and made off with the turkey. 

The Flash was waiting for me at the enterance. 

"Joker," he said, "it's a holiday. Why don't you just go home?"

"Can we say I won this one?" I negotiated.

"Fine."

"Okay. And I'm taking this."

"Yeah, no deal. You can have the cranberry sauce, though. Dinah made it, and it's gross."

"Oh, I'm not taking your charity. Until we meet again?"

"Let's hope never," Flash mumbled, and went back to their dinner with the turkey.

I couldn't wait until he found the grenade I'd stashed in its belly cavity. 

"Oh, you got one of those gross Baskin-Robbins' turkey ice cream cakes again," I cried in frustration, tempted to throw the glossy, caramel-glazed confectionary at the wall...but.... 

"Drumstick?" Harley said, sitting across from me. 

"Um, I'll pass."

(For the curious, this is a story on the infamous Turkey Cake. )

http://shine.yahoo.com/shine-food/baskin-robbins-8217-turkey-cake-delicious-disturbing-182500799.html;_ylt=AiKvQEDK6Ffp7ZVW0BHLxbqjhaU5;_ylu=X3oDMTQ2djZzNDY2BG1pdANmb29kIHYyIG11c3QgcmVhZARwa2cDYWM3ODI5MmQtYzU2ZS0zYjUyLWI5NDktNjUyN2E3OWI5ZmM4BHBvcwMzBHNlYwNNZWRpYVN0b3J5TGlzdExQVGVtcAR2ZXIDMWIxNWIwYWUtMmU5NC0xMWUyLWIyNzMtYzliMzIzM2I2Y2M2;_ylg=X3oDMTFpYWhjaDZiBGludGwDdXMEbGFuZwNlbi11cwRwc3RhaWQDBHBzdGNhdANmb29kBHB0A3NlY3Rpb25z;_ylv=3

Happy Thanksgiving to all!