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Chapter 54 - Sacrifice

L Pov

I was not a normal person. Admittedly, I was human, but normal was far from a valid descriptor. I was capable of friendship, and certainly of love, but never could I be considered commonplace even if these were normal tendencies. The truth was, at times I wish I had been. It would be wonderful sometimes not to be so bloody important.

Unfortunately, my childhood and teens consisted of people whispering to each other how "weird" I was and cruel passerby on the street spitting the word "freak." in my direction so I became accustomed to these terms, knowing there was little I could do to expand their minuscule minds.

However, she didn't see me in that light. When my hair still tingled hours after her fingers had run through it or when my lips still felt the sweet warmth of hers, I knew that I was better than that. If someone so lovely and good and honest could love me no others' opinion could matter.

I would so dreadfully hate to leave her, but I truly had no choice.

The room was dark, and a slight draft was coming in feebly from the windows. I had been lying there for three hours wide awake as Grace rested contentedly in my arms, the picture of comfort. She was sleeping soundly for once, and for that I was thankful. I had once witnessed her in the throes of a nightmare and it truly had been a terrifying experience. I had been powerless to help her then and had been haunted by the memory ever since. It did my heart good to see her at ease.

She stirred in her own welcome slumber and burrowed deeper into my neck, light warm breaths rhythmically falling on my skin. I sighed frustrated. I had tried to indulge her but sleep simply wasn't an option. The moment itself could have been considered perfect bliss and a dream realized after almost a decade in the making, the girl I loved safe in my embrace, but all I could feel was pain. Why did she believe in me so? Why would she want to commit herself to someone who lived such a high-risk existence? Why in hell did she think coming with me to Japan made sense? And truly how long could I lie here waiting for dawn with all of these questions torturing my mind?

"Grace?" I whispered, wondering how deeply under she was. I called to her a few more times with no response. She was so lovely sleeping there, a few auburn curls delicately falling across her face as she breathed deep and even. She deserved so much more than this, which was the most heavy, agonizing truth I realized. She needed someone who could put her first. That was becoming increasingly difficult for me to do with the current case.

And now with this talk of coming along to assist with Kira? I was still so angry with her for even considering it. The thought of the onslaught of impassioned pleas and rows that inevitably would follow over the course of the next few days started to fill me with a sense of naked dread. I wouldn't want to depart knowing she hated me as days of old. I'd rather make my own choices and leave now while there was no bitterness between us. It made perfect sense.

However, acting on this decision had left me seemingly paralyzed for hours as I had alternately taken in her quiet beauty and committed the scent of her skin to memory very aware it would be the last time I would lay eyes on her before leaving for Tokyo and possibly ever again. This time, I didn't want to face the idea of leaving to go fight the unknown but knowing that she was safely ensconced in our childhood home on the other side of the world as I was doing it made it much easier to bear.

Finally, ever so slowly and silent, I slipped my arm out from under her sleeping form and inched away from her on the bed. She didn't appear to sense my desertion, but I carefully pulled the comforter up closer to her chin to equalize the decrease in body heat in the event of this changing. She seemed so small, huddled in the expansive bed by herself and I questioned my reasoning for leaving her now, but the voices wouldn't be silenced. People were dying now left and right while I ignored them to be with Grace. How was that the proper or just thing to do? She would understand in time.