one-shot collection [multi-fandom]

Dorms of Bio Warfare || Barlyle

Headmistress Charity Hallett was sick and tired of the residents in the East Wing Boys Dormitory. It had been going on all year, this unparalleled biological warfare between the residents. It started with a mouldy sandwich getting thrown across the hall from where it had been left over the summer break and had escalated to something beyond her comprehension. Miss Hallett could not wait for the Christmas break.

Just the other week Professor Krooner noticed that the sheep's brains that are usually used for dissection in biology had gone missing. No one was surprised in the slightest. His partner, Professor Constantine, the French teacher, really became worried when his collection of snails, that he kept for his escargot (or so the students thought), went missing. They were still finding them in beds weeks later.

What frustrated the teachers above it all, was that they could never catch any of the students in action. The students wouldn't very well tell on each other. They suspected, oh boy they suspected, but they could never find the proof. They had narrowed it down to the boys in rooms 12 and 13, directly across the hall from each other.

The boys in their respective rooms had formed a bond; one of blood and brotherhood - or so they like to say. It was The Bakers v The Dozens in a war of stealth, stink, and sanitizer. The Head of the War Council for The Bakers, Phineas T. Barnum, was single-handedly responsible for The Great Hair-Ball of October 18th. Or so they say. He is ruthless, cunning, and, rumour has it, all the staff wrapped around his pinky.

Across the hall, The Dozens' captain, Phillip 'The Foul' Carlyle had a team of lewd, revolting boys at his disposal, ready, willing, and able to make a germaphobe cry. W.D., his right-hand man was suspected of planting used feminine products in the roof of The Bakers bathroom. Said feminine products are presumed to have come from his aunt and the Dance/Art teacher, Professor Anne Wheeler. No one can prove anything, and the certainly wouldn't admit to anything, so there was yet another hurdle the staff could not seem to make it over.

Mary, the school's resident chef and home economics teacher, had been keeping a stern eye on every student who came close to her classroom. The students weren't sure, but somehow, she had managed to lock up access to the kitchen to the point that not even Sal, the boy that had managed to acquire more detentions than any other student by getting caught in places no one knows how he got to, could get into the kitchen.

The day that nothing happened in the school, every staff member held their breath; Florence in the English department, Najla and Khaalida in Maths, Christina in Business and Economics, the History teacher, Rita, Lettie, head of Performing Arts, Nea in Administration, Adriane in Geography, Pina and Constantine in the Language department, Rose in the Gym, Julius in the Industrial Technology workshops kept a tight inventory of his equipment, but no one held their breath like Sasha and Hestia, the school cleaners. Walking down the halls they eyed the boys, as if to dare them to try something. A whole day passed and not one thing happened. Nothing went missing; nothing suspiciously appeared.

It appeared, that the warring dorms had come to a mutual agreement. For the Headmistress' birthday, there would be a ceasefire.

Of course, the next day was Phillip's birthday, so the staff were bracing themselves for the worst day yet. Vasile and Samson, also known as The Giant and The Albino, were two of the strongest boys in the Baker's crew and were seen carrying a few pews from the school's chapel through the halls, not long after midnight the morning of Phineas' birthday, but they were back in the chapel the next morning so no one really knows what they were used for, or if they were moved in the first place. That was, until the Dozens arrived for morning prayer and left covered in wet wood varnish. If you lined them up, side by side, alphabetically, they would have Happy Birthday spelt across their backs.

As the day progressed, the staff seemed to enjoy themselves a little more. None of the pranks that had happened had had a large impact on classes, or the other students. There was less disgusting and more pranks. That was, until Phillip returned from dinner to find a present wrapped neatly sitting on his pillow. Cautiously, he pulled off the ribbon.

Nothing.

Peeling off the paper, the rest of the boys in the dorm decided it was in their best interest to wait in the hall.

Still nothing happened.

Under the paper was a sealed box. It appeared to be plastic, but opaque, thus hiding the contents further. Slowly, Phillip picked up the box and placed it on his lap, quite confused. There had been no label on the wrapping and there was only one marking on the sealed box - was that a loaf of bread? He lightly ran his finger over the raised marking. At his touch, the box started ticking. Slightly in shock, Phillip was unable to do more than throw the box back to his pillow and scramble to the other end of his bed.

He waited, the ticking stopped, and nothing happened.

Cautiously, he crept forward, unable to bring himself to touch the box. No sooner had he settled in front of the box, it burst open, spraying rotted sheep's brains over the dorm. Remaining, at the bottom of the box, was a small letter, sealed in a plastic bag.

Happy Birthday, Love.
I've been thinking of you all day, if you haven't guessed.
See you tonight, the usual place and time.
Yours Always,
P