CanEm One-Shots (English)

One Year Later

Warning : This one-shot discusses depression. 

Plot: Sanem learns the truth about Yigit and sees Can again after a year. This is based off of episode 40 trailers and theories! 

Guilt overwhelmed Sanem Aydin like a blanket. It wasn't the type of blanket that one got wrapped in when they were ill, it wasn't comforting or soft. This blanket was suffocating and ever-present. Everywhere Sanem turned, a pit of guilt bubbled within the pits of her stomach and there was no way that she could get rid of it. Even though he had been the one to hurt Yigit physically, there was a part of Sanem that blamed herself. If she hadn't taken Yigit to the hut he wouldn't have been paralyzed: her journal would still be intact ... maybe he'd even still be here. 

Sanem hadn't said his name in what felt like an eternity. It hurt - mentally, physically, emotionally - and she tried to wipe his memory all together but, that was easier said than done. For once in her life, she was cursing at her photogenic memory and it's ability to remember every little detail. She could still feel the scruff of his beard under her palm, his musky smell up her nose, the feel of his lips, warm and over-powering over her own. But what hurt most of all was that she could still feel that sadness and anger when Emre had told her that he'd gone. 

He'd left a note and that was it. Just like Osman, Ayhan, Muzzo, Leyla - he'd joined the list of people who had moved on with their lives and left her behind.

But as Sanem thought about it over and over - the chaos replaying in her head like a bad jingle from a commercial - she felt guilty about him too. Because there was a large part of her that blamed herself for him leaving. She should have held his hand, told him that pushing Yigit had, in fact, been an accident ... but in that moment, she had been compelled by so many emotions, so many, that she hadn't been able to think of anything else. In her head, all she could think of was how their trusts issues, their relationship dramas had resulted in Yigit's paralysis. His whole life was going to change drastically, because of them, and that's all that Sanem could think about. 

And as she went home that night and cried herself to sleep, she awoke the next morning with a different perspective. With her eyes red and puffy and her heart heavy, she had intended to give him a piece of her mind: yell at him for acting so irrationally, curse at him for ruining the journal that captured the essence of their relationship ... but, she had also intended to talk. She had finally voiced how they never talked about anything meaningful and that was what she wanted to do. For once, Sanem was prepared to air out all of their dirty laundry. She had been running for about a year now and she was done. She wanted to tell him everything and she wanted to hear everything in return. And with a conviction stronger than any, Sanem had gotten a taxi straight to his house at the earliest crack of light. She was still angry, upset, worried but they had promised one another - they weren't going to leave each other this time, they were going to act like adults and deal with this all maturely. With that mantra playing in her head, Sanem had been devastated threefold when she'd seen the all-knowing look on Emre's face. 

"Emre." She had approached him cautiously, aware that his eyes were blood-shot and his arms trembling with a scrunched up piece of pair in his hands. 

"Sanem-" Emre turned to his new sister-in-law and he knew he didn't have to say anything, she knew - he was gone. "I'm sorry, so sorry." All of a sudden, the engagement ring on Sanem's right finger felt heavier than ever, the moonstone weighing her down to the point she felt like she was going to faint. Emre could see her little body sway and he tried to steady her with his arms. 

"Don't touch me." She whispered, almost as if Emre's touch were electrocuting her. 

"Sanem-" Emre tried to reach for her again. Her eyes were glazed over and her body was shivering in a state of shock.