Deceret Series #2: Bleed for Love

Chapter 12

Experts say that in every seven years, the cells in your entire body is completely replaced. It gives me comfort that in time, I will have a body that Max have never touched, skin that my mother have never dug, and face that people who hurt me have no longer access to.

Ito ang pinanghahawakan ko. Time, indeed, heals everything. I just need to be patient and hold until I am well over it. I know the scars in my heart will remain forever, but there's nothing that alcohol couldn't erase... well, at least temporarily.

Humigit ako ng isang malalim na hininga at sinulyapan ang orasan. I want the clock to stop ticking right now. Even if I am forever stuck with my boring professor in such a boring subject, I'll rather have it than face my abuser.

Pinisil-pisil ko ang mga daliri habang aligaga sa sariling upuan. If I back out now, I'll always be looking back at my shoulder, afraid that he may come at me anytime. I'll never be able to move on, no matter how much I hate the guy. The pinnacle of satisfaction to me is telling him that his disturbing urge to control me has come to an end.

Ipinikit ko ang mga mata at dinama ang mahinang vibration ng cellphone ko. I looked under my desk and squinted at the tiny words containing Rigor's text message.

Rigor:

silver wants to play blackjack tonyt at da house. do u want to come?

I gave my professor a side-glance and saw she's grilling another student, so I quickly typed a reply.

Ako:

pass. constipated ako.

Parang gusto kong sampalin ang sarili sa sinend sa kaniya! Bakit naman ganun ang naisip kong rason? I could've reasoned out the upcoming final exam or any other important things pero yun talaga ang unang pumasok sa isipan ko! Hindi kaya ma-turn off sa akin ang lalaki?

Rigor:

haha okay.

Bigla akong nag-overthink sa reply niya pero hindi ko naman sinagot. Instead, I squeezed my phone back to the depths of my skirt when the professor scowled and turned to me. Nginitian ko si Ma'am.

Nang matapos ang klase ay kaagad na akong umalis sa campus. I don't want to risk the chance of Sorcha or Rigor spotting me in the hallway. While waiting for a tricycle, I saw Thyron from the corner of my eye. Nakatayo siya at mukhang may hinihintay. Dali-dali akong sumakay sa pinakaunang tricycle na namataan.

I sighed, my fingers fidgeting nervously. Naiirita ako sa kasabay kong high schoolers sa likod na kanina pa naghahagikhikan. Hindi ko nalang pinansin at balisang nagbigay ng bayad sa driver ng tricycle nang marating ko na ang pakay.

Sa likod ng lumang 7/11 ay malawak na bakanteng lote. Ilang hakbang lang ay ang dagat. Maraming tao rito, lalo na tuwing hapon at gabi kaya naman ito ang pinili kong lugar kung saan kami magkikita. If he dares to lay a hand on me again, at least I'll have several witnesses by my side.

Nakatingin ako sa dagat sa hindi kalayuan nang mamataan ko ang pagtama ng ilaw sa akin galing sa sasakyan. I turned and saw Max coming out from his Honda Civic. He looked... better now. Unlike the last time I saw him, his eyes aren't bloodshot. In fact, he looked ridiculously happy.

Mas lalo akong kinutuban nang masama. Sinulyapan ko ang maiingay na high schoolers na nakaupo sa sementong bato, kumakain ng siopao na binili nila mula sa 7/11. May nagtitinda rin ng mais at may iilang sasakyang nakaparada. I should be safe...

"Czarina..." he was about to reach for my arm but I quickly withdrew. Nanatili akong nakatayo. I did not dare take one step backward because he will immediately take it as a sign of inferiority.