Friends with Benefits (Levi x OC)

Ch. 26: Break

Chapter 26: Break

'Good morning.' I yawned.

'Are you blind? It's evening.' Levi's voice was low and rough. I think he just woke up too. His hand was resting on mine.

'I was being sarcastic, dumbass.' I said sarcastically. I started to turn on my side in the lumpy hospital bed but stopped as the stabbing pain in my side reminded me of my wound. 

'Tch.' Levi slipped his hand off of mine. 

Falling asleep while holding hands was risky... what if someone came in?

'Won't people think it's strange that you're in here all the time?' I grumbled. Levi's hand travelled to his hair to sweep it out of his face.

'The nurse tells me before people visit. So I have time to head out.' 

'Ah I see.' The sky was getting dark outside. I should probably sleep more but I'm not tired now that I've been asleep for most of the day. Silence settled down like dust between us.

'I think we need to stop sleeping together.' 

The atmosphere immediately tensed up. Or maybe it was just my own body. 

'Huh?' Levi's sweet voice asked. I looked down at my hands. 

'The snitch knows about us...' I started, my breath small and shaking. 'We're not being careful enough. Anyone with two brain cells could probably figure it out. We could get court marshalled. I am your subordinate, even if it doesn't feel like it.'

The words I was saying made me feel horrible. But I knew it was the right thing to do. These last few years were the first time I felt completely happy, with my friends and with him. I guess I knew it would have to end at some point. A part of me wanted him to object and reassure me that we could be more discreet and make it work. I was surprised that I felt like crying. I couldn't deny that my feelings went beyond lust, but it was too late to acknowledge that now.

I finally gained the courage to look Levi in the eye. He just rested his gaze to the floor. The expression he wore was like a shield from his thoughts and feelings. I just wished he would talk to me.

'W-We have to start making alibis. We need make sure we are seen apart just in case this person wants to start causing trouble. If we're reported... we can't give them any evidence. So we need to minimise alone time and start hanging out with other people.' I tried to keep my voice as controlled as possible. I could hear it shaking at times. It occurred to me that we might never get back together after this. Anything could happen, he might even want to sleep with someone else. Hot tears rose to my eyes I blinked hard to keep them at bay.

Levi didn't have anything to say, as he demonstrated by remaining totally silent. I assumed he had no objections or clever ideas or anything else to add. I didn't know how long he was going to stay in my room after that. But I felt like I was drowning. I wanted to be alone but I didn't want him to leave. Eventually, once it was clear that there really was nothing left for either of us to say, Levi got up off the chair and walked towards the door.
I urged my voice to stop him from leaving. To say something, anything. But I couldn't do it. He hesitated by the door and looked back at me. His lips parted like he was about to say something. They closed again carefully. I kept replaying that look he gave me before turning to leave. I wonder what he wanted to say.

So I stayed awake that night alone. The moonlight shone through my window lighting the room in a blue haze. The clouds would pass by slowly. I could imagine the sound of the wind and how cold the breeze would be around the back of my neck. I lay on my side, staring out the window. A tear crawled out of my eye and down my face, hitting my pillow. 

It would have ended at some point anyway...

Levi's POV

I can't fucking sleep. The moonlight is too bright tonight and the bed seems so much bigger now that I'm alone...

I keep trying but it's just getting frustrating. I can sleep for a little while but its shallow. I wake up again and again, immediately I feel like I need to see Alyssa but then I remember that I can't. I wonder if she's asleep Or maybe she's awake too. Maybe she's looking at the same sky; after all, it's the most interesting thing in her hospital room.

I get out of bed, frustrated, and I let myself walk out of the door. At this point I don't know where to go. I fight against my body, wondering if I should head back to bed or keep walking. I'm not wearing anything on my feet and I know I'll start getting cold soon. I wander aimlessly down the hall. Every time I pass a familiar dorm room I consider asking if I could crash there. Each time I decide it would be weird so I continue until I get to Hange's door. Her roommate recently moved out of her dorm and into a different hall so I know there's a vacancy and a spare bed. Hange doesn't seem like the type to get mad about being woken up at early hours... 

I find myself knocking on her door.

'Hey...!' A disgruntled, croaky voice calls through the door. 'What time do you think it is?!' Hange yelled as she stomped up to the door and opened it sharply. She seems surprised to see me. 'Wow you look... really miserable. What's going on?' 

'Tch.' I snarl at her, curling my upper lip. I know exactly why I look miserable.
'I can't sleep.'

'Okay. Why are you here?'

'I don't know shitty glasses.' Why am I here? This is a mistake...

'D-Do you want to sleep here..?'

The way she was so awkward asking made me want to say no. I let myself in and laid down in the spare bunk. Hange looked uncomfortable but I am passed the point of caring. She seemed to accept it and went back to her own bed. The crickets outside are so loud, their grating chirps filled the room. It's irritating. That''s when I felt something in the bed as I moved my hand across the sheets.

'...There are crumbs in here!' I immediately scrambled out of the bed. I can't sleep in here, what was I thinking? This is just disgusting.

'Oh yeah, I like to eat in bed sorry about that...'

'But how did you get crumbs in this bed?'

'Oh, I don't know. I guess when I swiped them off they landed there-'

'You... swipe them off... and let them just fly all over the place...?' Am I in hell?

'Well yeah-'

'That's fucking disgusting. How do you sleep like this?' I can't do this, I'm going to have to clean it. At this time of night it's the last thing I want to be doing. I look around for some cleaning products but it seems Hange doesn't keep any in her room. 

'Erm well... this is my bedroom. My bedroom my rules.' She murmurs from under her covers.

'Shut up, Hange.' I said angrily, storming out of her room. I headed straight for the cleaning cabinet to get my supplies. I hauled most of the appliances and supplies back to her dorm. I immediately begun to give the room a deep clean. I moved everything around, tidied up, mopped the floor, changed the sheets. I moved her bed while she was in it so I could sweep under it and mop. There was mould around the windows. It was revolting. It took me hours to remove it and sand down the wood. I was busting my ass cleaning her room until the sun came up.