Friends with Benefits (Levi x OC)

Ch. 28: Denial

Chapter 28: Denial

Breaking up was hard. We'd both become so accustomed to being with each other that the sudden cut off was a bit jarring. We hadn't seen each other alone since we broke up but we would pass by one another often. Sometimes I felt him notice me but I brushed off the feeling as my imagination. And I definitely noticed him. I pretended not to look but I would steal glances whenever I could because I missed him and a small part of me dreaded the fact that he might move on. Occasionally though, I noticed Levi would pick me out of a crowd and catch my eye and I will always hope that it means he's still hung up on me. What a selfish thing to hope for... 

After the first few days of the split, we tried to stop being so cold to each other and act like normal colleagues. We stopped quickly excusing ourselves when the other entered the room, or  turn on our heels to walk in the opposite direction when we bumped into each other in the hallway. Ceasing these behaviours was probably a mistake though, because when I stood close to the raven haired man, I felt electric. Like something in the air between us was alive and pulsating. My breathing would deepen and my heart beat would quicken. It felt devious to acknowledge him at these times and I would have fight against my body to keep my eyes in front, and not let them wonder carelessly to him. We were very obviously awkward together when we accidentally started speaking at the same time in meetings, or when both of us tripped over our words or when we reached to grab the same object, resulting in our hands crashing together. These incidents only got worse as time went on. 

One day, I came outside to chat with my friends in their training breaks. Petra, Gianne and Sarah formed a little circle around me as we chatted and walked back to the building. We moved slowly to accommodate for my crutches. I tended to go outside as often as possible for fresh air and for something else to do. By now, I had become used to using the crutches in a way that wouldn't hurt my abdomen. But on the walk across the courtyard, there was a small rock on the floor that I failed to notice and I landed my crutch right on top of it, sending me off balance. With nothing to lean on, I began to fall down to the ground and I thrust my arms out in front of me, bracing for the pain of the rough concrete. Only I never hit the ground, my body was caught by two hands which were wrapped very tightly around my upper arms. They lifted me back up to my feet, a small grunt accompanied the hands. I still didn't look up as I was trying to get back up on my feet. I held onto the person's shoulder for balance. Instinctively at this point I knew it was Levi. He was my height and my hand lingered on his chest as though it had found it's favourite familiar place. I finally looked up from the ground to Levi's face. The way he was looking at me was odd, there was something in his eyes that I had never seen before. We looked at each other as though we were two strangers that believed they had fallen in love at first sight. Mild bemusement yet awestruck and grateful. Our longing gaze lingered for just a second more before I removed my hand from him and focused on arranging my crutches under my arms. I could feel the eyes of my friends darting back and forth wondering, 'What exactly was going on here...'

'Levi-... Captain Levi. Thank you.' I said. I wondered where he had just come from. I looked around the mostly empty courtyard to find Hange and Mike stood on the other side of the field, staring at us. The two of them sported a similar quizzical look to the one my friends shared. I tried to create as much distance between us as possible and began to walk away, bowing my head low. Did he just run across the courtyard to catch me in time? Why would he do that? I thought I was clear about not making us obvious. But to do that in front of everyone... is he mad? That fall wouldn't have killed me and besides, my friends would have helped me get back on my feet. At worst I would have gotten some scratches... but that didn't justify what he just pulled. 

As I joined up with my group again Sarah moved closer to me and whispered, 'What the hell was that all about? I thought you guys broke up-'

'We did.' Anger was sinking into me. He just made it very simple for anyone to point fingers and accuse us of having an illicit relationship. In fact, he made it plainly obvious.