3:47 am

4:43 am

4:43 am

Its 4:43 am and I am up thinking about life. I exist, but I'm not really alive. I haven't done anything for this world. I'm kinda worthless if you think about it. If I left, who would I impact? Chris? He is a super hunk. He can get whoever he wants. I want to leave. I'm not suicidal, I just want out of everything. I want to start over again. I want to let it all go. I don't have any family, I don't have any friends, I just kinda exist. Every time I request to hang out with my friends, they always said "oh I'm busy". I can tell they don't really like me. I want to do something with my life. Hero's get remembered, but legends never die. I want to be a legend. I want people to recognize me. But then again, I just want to crawl into a hole.

This is my decision. I'm leaving again. There is only one person I will miss, and that is Chris. I have to write a letter. I'm leaving in the morning. I'll just keep driving. Until I'm in a new place. I write the letter;

Chris-

I'm leaving. For good. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, I gave you everything. I want you to find someone better. I'm starting over. I am leaving in the morning. I am leaving this at your door just so you know why. I feel like I exist, but I'm not really alive. Thanks for everything.

With love,

Liv

By the end of this letter i am sobbing my eyes out. Im really going to miss Chris. I need to see him one last time.

I send him a text;

Can i come over?

He replies;

Of course!

I'll give him the letter on my way out. Then I'll go. I just need to see him.

I go on my way.

I finally arrive at his house. I let myself in and find him awake, but in a sleepy state. His hair is a mess, and voice deep. It's a sexy state.

"Um hey" I say.

"Hey" he says as he comes over for a hug.

"What's this?" He says while pulling the note out.

"NOOOO!"

He is almost a foot taller than me so I can't take the note.

He tears up.

"You're leaving again? You can't. I understand all this happened but I cant live without you. I can't stand you sad. I can't stand you worrying. I can't stand any of it. If I have to live another second not knowing if you're okay then I'll run. You are so amazing and you have had an impact on my life. I know you very well by now. You cried while writing this. You aren't leaving and this is final. You could have just came over and we could eat cereal on the roof and talked about how the universe was created. I would do anything for you, I love you more than life itself."

I break down.

"Im so sorry I wont go, I'll stay."

The rest of that night was spent laying in bed together watching sob stories. We could have just sat next to each other and not say a word and I would still feel complete.

I'm in love with you, Chris.

___________________________________

A lot of this chapter I find mostly true, but take the message away from it. Someone does love you.

Toodaloo!