Vince

Shmospital

"I can't believe you got yourself in this mess," I whined, "And you managed to drag me down with you."

"It's your fault that I tried to swan dive into the shallow end of the pool. I always thought that those signs were jokes," My best friend of ten years groaned.

"Hannah, you were drunk, I didn't tell you to do anything, you imagined it," I corrected her.

"I didn't imagine anything you ass. We have to get out of this hospital though because I wasn't only drunk," Hannah said sheepishly.

"What the hell do you mean by that?" I asked.

"Justin may or may not have provided me with some-" Hannah spoke.

"Don't even finish that sentence," I interrupted, "So what you're saying is that I have to sneak you out or you go to jail?"

"Pretty much." Hannah smiled weakly.

I was already tearing my own hair out worrying about getting Hannah to the hospital after she broke her arm, and now I needed to worry about getting her dumb ass out. I had absolutely no idea how to sneak her out because the building was laced with nurses and other patients, but it wasn't looking like I had much of a choice.

I made my way out of the room she had been admitted into and I searched for an escape route, finding none. It wasn't until I spotted an unattended lab coat that I had an idea. I quickly nabbed the coat without anyone noticing, but the challenge was now getting back to the room undetected.

"Hey, Susan, did you move my coat?" I heard a doctor say from behind me, and I increased my speed.

I was in the middle of turning a corner when I spotted a group of doctors walking down the hall. I turned around but there was no escape, so I walked into a patient room, ready to lie my way through anything.

I put the lab coat on and looked at the situation before me. A group of young, college-aged boys were gathered around one boy who looked pale and uncomfortable. The boy had a blanket covering his midriff and neither of his hands were visible.

"So, uh, what seems to be the problem today?" I asked.

"Our friend has gotten himself into a small predicament and we weren't sure what we should do," One boy answered.

His green eyes were filled with such an energy that when he looked me over I felt my stomach leap into my mouth, and I was worried he was going to guess I wasn't a real doctor. His stare didn't look as blank as the rest of the boys in the room.

"What is the predicament?" I asked, my curiosity getting the better of me.

"So, I," The boy's voice cracked, "Well, you see, I found this item and it seems I fucked up somehow in reading the instructions."

"I have no idea what that means," I said.

"I am an adult entertainer, and I found this thing that's supposed to make my penis look bigger and I am currently stuck inside of it." The boy blanched as his friends erupted in laughter.

"No fucking way," I laughed.

I realized my mistake and caught myself, "Do you mean you're a stripper?"

"No, I, uh, I do porn." The boy seemed to want to crawl under his blanket and hide forever.

"You're not a real doctor are you?" The green-eyed boy asked.

"Uh, not technically," I said, cringing.

"So you're telling me that I just told some random stranger that my penis is stuck?" The boy asked in disgust.