Follow You (Oli Sykes Fan Fiction) COMPLETE

The Olive Branch

In the next few days, I received 2 casting calls and secured 2 modelling jobs, one of which was even a runway! It was the best week I had had work wise since moving to London nearly 6 months ago, and it couldn't have come at a better time. Not only did it boost my mood, but my first solo rent payment was due and my bank account about to be left very empty.

The first job I did was an editorial for an artsy magazine which didn't pay super well, but sounded fun, and the second was another 'stand around looking pretty' gig for a major sports event party. That one paid well – and I got to keep the gorgeous dress. Bonus. The casting calls both went well and I secured the second one; walking in a Christmas-themed fashion show for one of the big UK department stores, wearing high-end designer outfits. I was happy to have gotten so much work, even if it was probably just because of it being the busy season. I ended up booking 2 more small press ads before the week was out, and I was feeling on top of the world. Things were finally feeling a little better.

Oli had been super quiet. He hadn't posted anything and he hadn't been in contact all week, though he did like some of the photos I posted on instagram. It kind of bothered me that he hadn't been in contact, but I was pretty busy anyway and I was making sure I got plenty of sleep since I was doing a lot of jobs and needed to look my best. I found Oli extremely hard to figure out. It was like he was always really up and down. When I was with him, he was such a friendly and open person, with wit and charm, but once it came to communicating and staying in touch, it was like he completely forgot I existed. I wondered if maybe he had pulled back because I had made it so crystal clear that nothing was going to happen between us? 

I received an email out of the blue one day from Tom; Oli's younger brother who took some photos for my portfolio when we were all in London. He'd sent through 8 photos, 7 of which were of me - and were all stunning, and 1 that also featured Oli. The photo was from the night we went to see Skrillex, the ones we took before we left the apartment... the one where I was on Oli's back and we were both laughing like crazy. My heart jumped when I saw it, it was a photo of pure happiness, and I immediately saved it to my phone. I kind of wished he would have sent me all of the other photos; the ones of Oli and I with Skrillex, the one when I was drunk and Oli was carrying me, the ones of the whole group toasting, the ones of us girls getting all dressed up... just, all of them. There were so many amazing moments. I thanked him for the photos and he replied with a 'no problem' and a smiley face. At that point, I'd had more contact with Tom than his brother since the goodbyes.

With Oli's Birthday coming up toward the end of the month – yes, I googled him to find the date – I wondered if he would have a party or maybe go out for dinner, and I wondered if he would invite me. I didn't want to ask, since it felt a bit desperate, but I would wait and see when it got closer.

I was still getting out and running or walking, enjoying my 'me' time before the grip of the English winter set in when I found myself jogging through Hyde Park. It brought back memories of Oli, of the yellow flower, of our time together... I almost ran into someone while I wasn't concentrating. I apologised profusely. In my stumble, I fell into a flowerbed, my hands went into the dirt and I crushed a seedling or two, but in my fall, I noticed a plant in the next flowerbed along, all of it's flowers had gone brown or fallen to the soil, except for one. There was a single flower left on the plant, a single yellow flower, the same one that Oli had picked for me. The one we'd both posted photos of. The one that reminded me of him and reminded me to be positive. I wanted it. I wanted it so badly to put on my window sil like the other one I had as a reminder of the things that it meant. I know it was wrong, but I picked it and took it home.  

I was sitting on the couch that afternoon with the TV on in the background. It was the weekend, so it was that stuff that nobody watches except older folk... antiques, gardening... that type of thing. I wasn't paying attention to the lady and her crafting, but she was showing how to do flower pressing; the process of flattening a flower and preserving it. Maybe about 5 minutes into the demo, I sat up with the sudden idea of pressing the yellow flower. I could have it forever as a memento of an amazing time I had when I was down in the dumps, and a reminder to always be positive. I missed most of the TV hosts' instructions, so I looked it up on trusty google. I headed out for supplies, and when I got home and pressed the flower, it turned out perfectly! I sprayed it with some preserving agent and put the flower in a plain white frame. It was small, but it was beautiful, and it had such a deep meaning for me. It was as good as any photo I could have taken as a reminder of such a great few weeks.

I was trying to stick to being positive, but a few days before November 20; Oli's birthday, I started to really question why I hadn't heard from him in so long. I got the feeling that I had been forgotten about - deliberately or otherwise. I wondered if maybe Oli had just kept me around because he thought the girls liked me, or maybe he thought after time I would sleep with him or something. So many thoughts were going through my mind, and it was hard to shut them out. I knew exactly what ghosting was, but I'd never really had it happen since I'd never really been caught up in the dating scene. I felt sad about it all though, and even though most of the thoughts were just stories I was making up in my own head, I felt bad. I went to bed early to try and forget about it all. 

As if the world was giving me a signal, Oli posted on instagram that night. It was late and I didn't see it until the following day, but it happened never-the-less. He had posted a photo of what looked like blood, pills and the word 'die' across it. It wasn't like what he usually posted, but in a way, it sort of was in line with his image and brand. The lyrics in the songs he wrote had a tendancy to be quite depressing and death related. I didn't double-tap the picture because the truth was, the image was kind of confronting. I noticed that in the ungodly hours of that morning, he had replied to some of the comments people had written on the post. They didn't sound like him at all. Things like "Fuck you", "Go to hell", and then some  concerning comments he'd written that said "I dont want to be saved" and "You're going to die". It sounded angry and well, quite honestly, suicidal. I knew I wasn't Oli's best friend, and I didn't know him that well, but he definitely never came across as either of those things to me. He always seemed peaceful, easy going and caring, and he always seemed happy, even if it was in a quiet and shy kind of way.

I didn't know why he hadn't spoken to me since that night, but I was a little worried about the post and I wanted to let him know that I was there if he needed anything. It probably wasn't the smartest thing to say to someone who appeared so angry, but I sent him a DM saying I was here if he ever wanted to chat. I felt like something wasn't right, and I wanted to extend an olive branch.

The following day, I called Behati and told her about the post. She said it was probably just his 'brand' or 'look' he was going for, but I still felt like something was off.  I didn't tell her that I'd sent him a DM and he'd never responded to it. I also confided in her about how much I missed Oli, though I knew she would lecture me about it. 
"I feel sad about all this." I exhaled loudly. I didn't really want to admit it to her, but I couldn't pretend I didn't care anymore. I missed Oli like crazy.
"I can't stop thinking about Oli." I said. "I miss him so much." I admitted. Behati made an 'aww' sound. "I don't know on what level, but I wish I didn't  just let him walk away like I did." I admitted. I regretted that day so much, even though I tried to not think about it. I should have said something, anything, but I just let him leave without a word. I looked at the yellow flower I had pressed and thought about how it seemed to bring us together all those weeks ago.