Life sucks

Weekend Feels

     This Easter weekend my family came over to my house by car, which means a 6-hour drive. 

     I'm not related to any of my step-dads family by blood or by law since my parents aren't married.

     We are our own clan tbh since there are so many of us. Most of my cousins are guys with one exception of my female cousin who I hardly get to see. 

     Most of my cousins are evil. Except for Micheal and Clarissa, they are really chill and like hugs so they are my favorite. Hehehe

     ~Last night on Sunday, I was texting my friends about whether or not to have more painkillers. You see on Saturday, I had 9 painkillers in 10 minutes when you should take 8 in the span of 24 hours. 

     I was doing fine until like Idk depression and anxiety just hit me. It empowered me and I felt so dead that I wanted for it to be true and so the first thing that came to my mind was painkiller pills since they hurt more when you overdose.

 And for sure it did and still kinda does. 

Well while I was texting my friends I was also texting Micheal. 

_-*~~Chat With Micheal~~*-_

Me: Hey wdy, I'm bored

Micheal: Nothing, you?

Me: Fighting with my friends on to whether or not I should get more pills.

Micheal: Do not try to kill yourself

Me: Oof, another person who disagrees...

Micheal: Fine kill yourself 

Me: Yay, someone who knows what's good for the world!

Micheal: I'm going to hang myself when I get home

Me: What why? That's my thing 

Micheal: I would have raped you till you bled and died then hung myself in the rr. 

(Ok so you don't understand what he is trying to say but he basically is saying he wants to commit several sins, he is lowkey catholic).

Me: Why would you want to do that? 

Micheal: Oh so we can both go to hell together

And see the afterlife. 

(By this point I was balling my eyes out with painkillers in my hand)

Me: Again, why would you do that?

Micheal: So you don't have to be alone

(I cried myself to sleep after reading this, plus my wifi was being trash and as you can see I'm still alive and so is he <3.

      Last night, I was so broken over the emotions that hacked my inner being, but after that conversation, I think I gained some of my soul back. 

     I'm deadass not joking, I never felt like that before. So needed before and it hurts my heart knowing that someone that I've seen as mean and rude could care that much about me when we argue and bicker and yet he cared. 

      Well, during the weekend we got really close and understood that we are pretty much alike and we enjoy each others company. That and we both love hugs, I didn't know that he did until last weekend.)