Middle of Everything

CHAPTER 10 : Middle

I died in her arms and I guess that is the most selfish way to die. Dying in the arms of the person you love the most.

"Baby?" Parisa said and I know she already knew this will happen. "Don't, don't, no it can't be!" 

That moment seeing her in pain it crashes me to my cores and until now I can't forget that day when I saw her crying and still not giving up on reviving me. She pumps and pumps and pump my chest. Blow my mouth with her air and keeps on doing the same thing but it was no use. I died.

"It is funny because after I fell asleep, I thought when I woke up I will be on the other side of the world, you know what I mean?" I said to a person I barely don't know. He looks at my direction and smiled, waves his hand and then a lady approaches him and seated to where I am sitting. "You are rude!" I said with a disappointment in my face, "Well who am I kidding?" I stand up and walk out of the café.

Heaven isn't real or even science theory about dying because right now I'm in the middle. Yes, I'm in the middle of life and death. I guess for you this is against your beliefs but even mine is being questioned. 

Weeks after I died I haven't questioned anything because I am just thinking that this is normal for a soul to experience. Watch over the persons you love mourn for you. Visit them in their dreams and comfort them by sharing my warmed hugs to them or in your case you'll call it "goosebumps" but after days, weeks and 3 months of being this. Now you'll say there is something wrong with this kind of setup. I started questioning God about what happened to me. I thought everything will be over after I close my eyes that day but cursed this world. Now I am stuck. Stuck in this place.

That day I watch everyone cry for me. See them mourn. See them blaming themselves. Some wish for me to have a second chance and others wish to go back in time. Like Parisa prayed that day at the hospital. I heard her prayer. I heard everything. It makes me want to go back to my body and be alive again.

"Dear God, I know I don't pray a lot and I am a sinner. I hurt a lot of people and cause harm to others but for once dear God. Please," she sobbed "please, bring him back to me. I really love Aeric and I can't wake up without him. Please Lord, just this prayer. Just please give him another chance to live. Please. Or if you can't grant me this wish please Lord, God, wake me up in this dream and gave me another chance to fix everything. Give me a chance to go back in time and save him. Please, Lord! Please."

She is all alone, yet I am sitting next to her, at the chapel praying and crying, begging for a little piece of miracle. 'I can't stay dead.' That is what is on my mind that day until now wishing I could be alive again. 

During those time at the chapel, I pray as well but there is no response from heaven. No answers or even signs from the above. And for that, I started cursing God. Cursing everything that science or religions can offer. Seeing her in front of me but knowing that she can't even see me is the worst thing that ever happened to me. 

I want to tell her that day I am still here but she can't hear me. So instead I try hugging her and it works! I can't believe it but it really works. She felt it, I can tell because of the way she reacts. She smiles a bit and she then stops from crying but then my body starts to pass through hers. I guess I could touch someone for a couple of minutes and after that, I will pass through when time is out. I stay with her for the whole time at the hospital and try to hold her every once in a while but after what I did at the chapel I can no longer touch her.

She was seated outside the emergency room insisting to wait for me. The nurses insist her to go to the clinic so they can check her out but she is always as stubborn as before. So the nurses have no choice but to treat her at the lobby. Bruises and some minor scratches at the head but she is fine. I feel relief that she is safe. I can see her face was really worried. I can see her hands shaking. Trying to escape the thoughts in her head. I wonder why the doctor is taking so long. 

Then I felt a beat from my body again. For that time, I suddenly felt hope so I had to check my body but as I enter the room, the doctor is already starting to cover my face with a white cloth and the light that I am seeing connected to me and to my body is slowly fading. I feel numb even I am a soul. I feel this growing pain inside of me. Like a feeling that I want to explode. I feel worst than before. This time I no longer ask for a miracle. I give up.

Then everyone came. My mother and father came in and they hug Parisa immediately. They started crying but they still try to calm themselves. I am just there watching and it really kills me. Then John came in and he is covered with dust and paints. He is supposedly the one preparing the place where I will propose. I guess after he heard the news he left the place immediately and because he is clumsy I guess the paint fall down to him. It made everyone laugh after they've seen him. I laughed too but then the doctor came out and like a domino one by one everything will fall to pieces. Like what had happened before when my sister died. They cry one by one.

That moment we started laughing because of John and now I am seeing them crying. Parisa is the first one who cries. As the doctor said every painful word.

"I am sorry," the doctor sighed, "We did everything that we can."

Parisa suddenly shaken and fell on her knees, the nurses assisted her but before she can stand she burst out and cry really hard. Then my mother sits slowly at the bench next to my dad. They both cry but my dad is trying to be strong. Then lastly John. But before everyone can see him cry he run away.

I mourn, watching them. And I can't believe that I can also cry even I am now a spirit. My tears are falling and I can't stop it.

I just stood beside them the whole night. They try to be okay and do every as needed to bring my body to my last resting place.

They took care of the papers for my burial. My mother is busy talking to a lot of people on her phone. My father and John, on the other hand, are taking care of some things like my clothes to wear and the place I will be buried. Watching them doing everything for me makes me smile yet makes me sad because I know after this day I will be definitely leaving them. I wanted to lighten them up even they can't see me because I know it is hard for them to lose someone again. I experience how painful to lose someone and just for once, I hope I could reach them but It doesn't work. I thought I could do the same thing as I did at the chapel before. But I couldn't talk to them or touch them. I try looking for another soul like me to ask for help but unfortunately, I don't see anyone like me. I guess I will be here just for a short period of time and then I will be headed to where the other souls are resting. Maybe that is why there is no soul around. But I'm wrong.

The day my body came home everyone was intensely busy. I still try to reach them but it still not working so I just decided to follow Parisa everywhere she goes. I believe she needed my guidance even she can't even feel me or see me. But that night at the funeral I was able to talk to Parisa. At first, I can't believe what happen because that is the first time I was able to enter her dream. Like whenever I close my eyes and think of someone I will wake up inside of their dreams. That is what happens on that night. The first time I able to go inside someone's dream.