Middle of Everything

CHAPTER 14 : Key

Today January 18, 2019, I follow Parisa on her way to my coffee shop that is now under L.J's possession. He is my neighbor and we both shared money to have a coffee shop. But before then I am the only one who manages it because he needs to work abroad for the software project that he is working for years.

Actually, L.J and I met in a very funny situation because he is really my brother close, close friend and their friendship started back when I head to another town for my treatment.

My brother John had a girlfriend near our place but unfortunately, they broke up but then after a few months, L.J fell in love with my brother ex-girlfriend. Luckily my brother didn't take it seriously so he just let L.J court his ex. So then after my treatment and decided to head back home that is when I met him and since then he became one of my circles.

I saw her stood for a half hour staring at my shop but she ended up going to the mall instead. She does this for about 2 years now. Like she wanted to visit and go inside yet she hesitated.

For that moment I thought of three facts why she hesitated, 1: Because she is still in pain. I can tell in her eyes. 2: She is scared to remember our memory and I know her very well that even the slightest change in her move makes a big difference. I know that she is really in a tough situation. And 3: going to my shop, I guess, she wanted to find an answer. Or search for a question of why I disappear. Yes, she knows already the answer but sometimes it is really blinding to believe what the truth is telling you.

Now we are at the coffee shop inside the mall that we haven't visited yet. I guess she is afraid and terrified as well as to remember our memories together. Well seeing her like this for months now make me feel miserable, hopeless that I can't do anything to lighten her up. We only have a chance to talk in her dreams but it is really in a short period of time and lately, for some reason, I can't enter anyone's dream including hers. Even my ability to touch things seems not working for quite some times now.

Thinking all this stuff makes me feel I am a sinner because why am I having this kind of punishment if I've done something good, right? For a while, I thought I will be going to heaven but now I guess there will be no heaven for me. Before losing my ability to visit dreams I once visited my mother and I ask her if I am a bad son to them and she just cries and hugs me. So now I'm even more confuse because she didn't even answer my question and who is a normal person that will cry by asking that simple question.

'Oh! Yes, I forgot, I'm dead. So i guess that is not normal to answer'

The following day after I visited my mother she then told everyone (my family) that she saw me in her dreams and she told them what I asked her. They all cry and talk about me for a while but it is not that important. There are no answers to my question instead they just call the priest to have a mass for me. It makes everything worst because I guess they are thinking that heaven didn't accept me and they thought I am asking for prayer. Parisa on the other hand just laughs when John told that to her. They both agree that what my mother told them is impossible.

John sighed really deep. "So how are you?"

"I'm fine." She smiles, she is pretending I can tell.

"Is my brother have been visiting you too in your dreams?"

"Yes."

"I miss him." He sighed, wipes his tears and hugs Parisa.

She taps my brothers back and still, she doesn't try to show her sadness. She let go and smile at him with all the pretentious face she can make. That time I stood next to them listening to all their emotion and watching the tiny aurora light glowing through their wrist coming out slowly and flowing like a peaceful river that is headed to my wrist. That day those aurora are cold red. It is like filled with sadness. I may not know what this light means but for some reason I can understand what this light tells me that night.