BAD ACTING

SHADYVILLE

        I continued to work for Michael in his office off Wilshire Boulevard.

        Michael did not have much energy physically but he talked non stop as I helped him read the breakdowns and select actors and actresses for submissions.

        Black female, 20s, must be athletic, Feature Film about army boot camp.

        Young Couples, 20s-30s, any race, reality show on Lifetime.

        Young Men, 20s, any race, fit bodies, brief nudity, locker room scene, HBO series

        Female teen, must look 14-16, must speak Spanish, Nickelodeon, 3+ episode role.

        Michael explained why certain types of actors should be submitted and to what roles they were suited for. He instructed me which headshots to choose for the different roles and why. Important facts that started to shape how I viewed the process.

        Some days I handled all the submissions on my own. Other days we worked on them together. Days I didn't come by the office Michael submitted a handful himself or did not read the breakdowns at all.

        I became helpful to Michael in ways I started to realize quickly. I held more knowledge about current shows and networks. Michael's health left him out of the game for the past few years. When a breakdown for a small role on Orange County posted I almost pissed my pants. Michael disregarded the breakdown and I told him I wanted to get submitted. We sent out all four of my headshots. After that day I started making more use of my job and took control over what I submitted myself for.

*

        My first auditions finally arrived in March. A one-episode role on a popular DIZ Channel show, Madison and Marley, and a three-year contract role for All My Family. I submitted myself for the Disney role, another breakdown that Michael completely missed.

        Michael looked shocked when I booked the first audition.

        My resume consisted of theatre and dance stuff from the East Coast, so he assumed my headshots alone landed me that first audition with the DIZ Channel. Michael also appeared impressed because I convinced him to submit me for the episode after he overlooked it.

        Up until this point, Michael, with my help, focused on his top eight actors with film/TV credits. He needed my physical help in the office more than being interested in my career. The carrot he dangled: the opportunity to a) learn and b) get submitted here and there.

        Michael rarely submitted me for anything.

        After I booked the first audition he started submitting me more for the male (15-21) parts and gave me the freedom to submit myself for whatever I discovered.

        The All My Family audition Michael found for me. In addition, he made a call to a friend he knew connected to the show from his previous, pre-cancer, work as an agent. I wanted to rock this audition for many reasons. So many actors started their careers on soap operas.

        Demi Munn

        Jorge Clooney

        Rachel Adams

        All my Family could be a real break for an actor green like me. The soap presented a more attainable goal then the bigger roles on the primetime networks.

        My excitement turned swiftly to disappointment and fear.

         The sides for the soap printed off looked more like a manuscript. Fifteen pages of monologues. Instead of the usual two sentence lines, the character spoke in long paragraphs.

        The bad boy from the big city moves into the fictional town the soap took place in. Sunnyville? or Shadyville? Ok, I might be able to pull that off.

        I knew that soap actors received tons of lines to learn fast and needed to be talented at filming many scenes a day to complete all that content. A style of acting all their own. The multitude of lines for the audition made sense. I started memorizing right away.

        Two days later I drove to a tall building owned by ABD, in Burbank. I parked underneath the tower in a Labyrinth of an underground parking structure. Sober and nervous, my sweaty hands gripped my sides as I sat in the waiting room.

        The casting directors put me on tape and I read the scenes twice with feedback between the two tapings.

        I gave an average performance.

        It took me over an hour to find my car after the audition. Stressed, lost, and confused, I finally found my car. Halfway home my car stopped. I completely ran out of gas.

        My head so far up my ass.

        I walked a mile to a gas station, bought a container to fill up, and walked back to my car. The gas was barely enough to drive back to the station and fill up my tank.

*

        The day after the All My Family audition I drove to the Hollywood area for the one episode role on the DIZ Channel. I walked through the studio lot repeating the lines in my head. Stepping into the waiting room I saw seven exact versions of me sitting reading the sides. Four of the guys wore the exact same shoes I was wearing.

        The audition scenes for Madison and Marley annoyed me because simple as they seemed, the lines sounded wrong leaving my mouth. Luckily I looked the part, but I doubted my ability to become the character. I needed to relax.

        I read the scenes with a friendly man who said I did fine but " more energy, make it bigger!"

        We read the scene again and he said " Bigger! Like, overdo it, lots of energy! "

        I tried one last time feeling more uncomfortable each attempt, knowing I failed. He said "thank you", pointing to the door.

        On my way home I received a call from Michael. The casting team from Orange County. wanted to see me that day.

        In an hour.

        I needed to be in Manhattan Beach to meet with the casting agents in sixty minutes. Unfamiliar with that area I stopped at a Kinkos to print my lines and directions. Rain started to pour down as I headed to the audition.

        The experience felt surreal.

        Watching Orange County back on the East Coast the year before, I thought, "I could do that."

        Driving in the rain to Manhattan Beach I arrived on time with my lines fully memorized.

        I gave another average audition and felt excited just to be there, auditioning for something that seemed a fantasy a year ago. I knew the part belonged to anybody else but me.

        My resume contained no TV credits, and I still needed to learn how to act.

        In traffic on the way home I needed to pee so bad I grabbed an empty Gatorade bottle from the back seat and quickly filled it up while maneuvering my car forward.

*

         My first taste of auditions in LA helped me slowly start to believe I could land something one day. Hard work, luck, and years of auditioning equaled the winning formula in my mind. Successfully trying to accomplish my ultimate dream put me a step further than when I first moved to LA without any solid plan.

        I just wanted to play make-believe.

        And get paid for it.