BAD ACTING

ENIGMA

        Friday night after work I drove to Leah's house. Andrew wanted to throw a party for Carrie to celebrate the airing of her TV show. The first episode of the Hit List premiered the following week. Leah offered to host the event with the condition that I co-host. Andrew asked to meet and plan the event and so I reluctantly attended Andrew's meeting, wishing I could go home instead.

        "A small get together, but really classy." Andrew flipped through a binder he made, organizing his party ideas.

        "What does that even mean?" Leah asked, taking a seat at the giant dining room table.

        "Just close friends. Maybe a theme. And actually watching the episode. Not a crazy booze fest." Andrew tapped the binder on the words, close, theme, and watching.

        "No no no. Absolutely not." Leah replied, pushing Andrew's binder off the table.

        Andrew sighed, leaving the binder on the ground.

        Leah's house. Leah's rules.

        "A medium-sized guest list and the episode will be the appetizer."

        Andrew looked at me, "Do you want to add anything?"

        "No."

        Leah continued on, "The wizard and I will greet the guest, and you can be in charge of the screening room. Open bar and catering. Have a drink. Take a seat. Enjoy the show."

        "That sounds good", Andrew said finally smiling. He looked stressed. I wondered about his relationship with Carrie. Andrew never looked stressed.

        "After the episode, we all stand up and clap for Carrie, and cue loud music."

        "Ok perfect, I am on board with that," Andrew announced, finally picking up his binder ready to go.

        "One more thing."

        "What?"

        "Relax, dude...what is up with you?"

        Andrew shook his head not giving in to Leah's interrogation tactics.

        "I gotta go, guys, let's talk in a few days."

        Andrew left and I sat there with Leah as she unloaded.

        "He thinks Carrie is going to break up with him."

        "Why?"

        "Because she is all about her career, and he doesn't have one. He doesn't even want to be an actor!"

        "He just booked that episode of Law and Order."

        "Exactly."

        "I don't get it."

        "Carrie is on the hottest new show, and he does an episode here and there on shows nobody cares about."

        "I haven't done a single episode of anything." I reminded Leah.

        "But you are an enigma. A wild card. You stumble through life and charm the pants of everyone without even knowing it."

        "That's not true."

        "You're missing my point. Andrew is boring, he's really talented, but he's reached his limit."

        "So Carrie's breaking up with him?"

        "Oh god no, she loves him."

        "I'm so confused."

        "Andrew thinks she is going to break up with him, that's why he's stressing over this stupid premiere party."

        "Why did you offer to host then?"

        "We are hosting because we are the newer better version of them."

        "What are my hosting duties? I hate talking to people."

        "Naked Jedi Battle: The Sequel!"

        "You're joking?"

        "Not another battle, no, but we are bringing back those characters for the night."

        "Oh, so I can get shit faced before the guest arrive?"

        "Exactly!"

        I laughed," Ok whatever you say, boss."

        "That's the attitude I need from you. This party will host a small selection of the up and coming young Hollywood crowd that I plan to rule this time next year. Carrie's premiere is the perfect excuse to practice these characters that will open up doors. Create some buzz. "

        "So you want me to to be a sloppy asshole at Carrie's party?"

        "It's our party, and yes."

        Leah hooking me up with the job at Karen's saved me when I needed it bad. I finally felt anchored in LA and enjoyed my role as Karen's assistant. Leah might be a selfish, scheming, bitch, but I needed her in my life. Maybe we needed each other. I let the Barry experience drain me of the momentum I worked for all year. Time to move on. I noticed my black Rolex on Leah's wrist, we started taking turns wearing it after I got back from New York.

        "I love that watch, where did you get it?" I asked in my host voice.

        Leah smiled.

        "Oh yes! It's such a lovely black watch!"

        "So black! So lovely!"

        "Please come in, enjoy a cocktail before the show begins."

        "Enjoy two!"

        "Enjoy three!"

        I stayed the night at Leah's falling asleep to Buffy episodes.