BAD ACTING

SMORGASBORD

        Wednesday. The first week of June. I left my audition with Helen at the TZ casting office feeling great. The pilot sounded edgy and dark. The main character I read for felt more like me than anything I auditioned for so far. I knew the odds of me being considered for the role were slim, but I let my imagination show me the possibility of my life after landing the role anyways. I drove to Michaels' daydreaming about the show. I arrived to work and finished the submissions quickly, ready to drive home and get super baked.

        Before I could leave, Michael began a massive meltdown. Michael misplaced an envelope containing a handful of checks. He represented a young classical musician and asked his friends and business colleagues to contribute for studio time so the musician could record his music.

        Michael frantically looked for this envelope and became so upset he started violently throwing up in the office trash bin.

        I stood frozen, watching him tear apart his office while taking breaks to projectile vomit in the trash bins. Immediately after he found the envelope right on the desk.

        I left that night shaken and annoyed with Michael's behavior.

        I never returned back to work.

*

        The next few days I isolated in my apartment. I smoked weed morning to night and screened all my calls. On the third day of my isolation, I received a text from Matt. Matt rarely texted me. Curious and bored I responded.

        Matt wanted a ride to a party in the valley. I picked him up and we drove to a run-down house twenty minutes past his neighborhood. I didn't know anybody, and Matt disappeared immediately after we arrived. A smorgasbord of alcohol and drugs covered every surface, and so I helped myself. I attempted small conversations with the people around me without any luck.

        I felt out of place and started to become paranoid that people were looking at me weird. I continued drinking and tried to drown the fear away. Matt never returned.

        Ready to leave I realized too late how much alcohol I recently consumed. I searched for Matt. I walked upstairs to a bedroom without a door. People walked in an out. I entered the broken doorway hoping to find Matt. In the room, a crowd stood around the perimeter watching three passed out girls getting fucked by guys taking turns. Two girls on the bed and one on the floor.

        I found Matt watching with some of his friends and told him I needed to go. We left and I dropped Matt off at his house. Driving back to North Hollywood on the freeway the booze started to hit me hard.

        I have no idea how I arrived home.

        Swerving through all the lanes I could barely keep my eyes open. I somehow made it back alive. I stumbled up the stairs and into my apartment.

        I woke up hours later on the bathroom floor.