My Mask: Unveiled

Spiral

I thought i actually met her. I was convinced that she was the one. Tho we never truly met personally, nor was there any official confirmation that she was real, but we loved each other…"loved"…

What is "Love"? Is it just a misused word that no one truly knows the meaning to? I don't know what we had but she was great. For a moment i didn't have to worry about anyone or anything else because she would be there.

We spoke about our commons and likes and future plans and we were so similar. She was amazing. If there was anyone i truly carried in my heart besides my family, it would be her. I looked forward to every conversation with her and each was special in it's own way. Yes, i'm pretty sure we loved each other.

We wanted to stick together for as long as we could until we get married…*chuckle* i'm not sure she's coming back…

It's been a while she just stopped talking. She disappeared and i'm worried but i try to think that maybe she lost her phone, maybe she broke it, maybe she's super busy, many different factors but that still can't stop me from seeing the fucking worst…

She could still love me…

I still…love her

She was a star gone too soon from my life. But she's not mine…and i'm not hers. We just coexist…

My mind has begun to overthink again, for the little moment that i was distracted with happiness, it was satisfying. She was my dream. everytime we spoke my heart fluttered and a smile broke out on my face.

I'm slowly descending back into the darkness i came from. Slowly becoming more desperate. Slowly letting hormones take over. Slowly only thinking one thing again just like all else…

Desperate…

Desperate to touch, desperate to feel desperate to have somebody to talk to desperate to fill the hole left there where she once was. She's still in my heart…but it feels like half of it disappeared…

Slowly watching everyone around me fulfil their fantasies and i help them. It's fine. But it feels like at some point nobody's going to need me anymore and i agree.

I'm still nobody and will always be.

I miss her…

I don't know if she misses me…

FUCK!

Why!?

I just want to be alone but i keep making friends and i keep wanting, i keep-…i keep desiring and i don't want to anymore!

Why do i have to be so stupid? Why do i keep making the same fucking mistakes?!

I know it's going to happen, i prepare others for it as i do for myself too. It's inevitable.

Bad things have to happen for good ones to follow. And it did, and i'm glad.