My Mask: Unveiled

Perfect

sometimes if not every time i feel like i'm forced to be perfect...

the night in shining armor...

sometimes i feel like a fucking robot because everybody takes, takes, takes and wants, wants, wants and i give, give give, but i can't ever ask.

as soon as i want something or ask something, i'm laid off but i always have to end up making things happy for people. making everyone's fantasy come true.

used like a toy to satisfaction and then ditched when it needs repairs. instead of spending a little bit of time with a needle and a spool of thread to heal up the wounds and make it all better, you throw it away and look for a fixed version.

i mean what the fuck, am i not human? can i not feel? everybody wants to be happy but i can't?

why can't we appreciate the down times and work our way back up? why can't we appreciate what we have including the bad times? why must i be the one to always fix things and lie and get punished for it?

i love people for who they are, why can't i ask the same? everybody loves my mask for what it is and once i show who i really am, get vulnerable, i'm casted out for my own.

where have you heard of someone getting attacked or having someone getting mad at them for feeling. you don't like me when i'm cold but you don't like me when i'm soft. you only appereciate me when i'm this fucking emotionless robot only serving to make you happy but in the end it's always 50/50 right?

i give way more than i recieve, to many people and i'm told off because i don't spend enough time with one instead of the rest yet i can't get a fucking break. i never focus on myself. my entire life schedule is messed up, i've done nothing for myself and i seclude myself from my family for others.

when did i get a reward? i don't know, mayne moore and more work and more and more mental strength? am i just meant to be alone? i'm fine with that honestly because if i have more time for myself then i'm sure i'll get more done.

people keep complaining about relationships like "i want someone to love me" or "everyone has love except for me" but they never know what's waiting for them in one. once shit gets hard, "let's break up!" YAY! problem solved! shit gets a little hard in life, "Suicide!" YAY! problem solved. (i shouldn't mess around with suicide because for some people it is really serious but most lil kids with nothing to worry about think it's edgy and shit just cuz shit gets a little hard)

First break up, suicide!
Drama in friend group, suicide!
Unsuccessful try at a relationship, suicide!

i mean grow tf up and move on, there are people with bigger and worse problems out there who are still fighting.

bullying, abusive parents, abusive relationships, toxic relationships, cyberbullying. artists who deal with constant hate etc etc who are still here fighting.

i should realise that too but at least everyone has someone, yet they dent it.

i should just shut up and fuck off honestly huh? idk. nobody's gonna see or care about this anyway so meh.

i'm fine... i'll always be fine...