My Mask: Unveiled

Desperation

I keep fucking up…

There's no doubt about it, sometimes i'm just desperate for attention. I keep doing random bullshit and sometimes i even go too far. I go as far as to annoy people or to embarrass myself…

I don't know what's wrong with me…

I want to just sit down in a corner, cry and drown in my tears, forget everything that would've once concerned me. Just forget…

I want to cry but i fucking can't. It's just this feeling of sorrow and self-hate and regret and utter shame that i can't do absolute shit about…

There's nothing wrong with me…

Yet there's always something wrong with me…

Sometimes i just can't identify it…

I just regret so much and they keep coming back to me and making me regret even more. I keep looking for attention and pushing limits like a friggin dumbass until it goes wrong.

I thought i outgrew that stage…

Apparently he's coming back slowly. My 12 year old desperate self is slowly working his way back up. The crate i thought i sealed years ago is overfilling and cracking open. My uncontrollable emotions are fighting.

Why can't i just be normal?

No…

NO…

NO!

I refuse to be normal!

I accept that i'm not normal…but…fuck…

I…I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm fine but i'm not, then again there are others with bigger problems. I'm unimportant…

Why do i always try so hard to be the center of attention? Why can't i just be asocial? Things would just be better honestly.

I won't have so many friends to keep track of…

I won't have to talk to people much…

Nobody would know my name…

I'd just be hidden in plain sight…

But…fuck…then i won't get to meet my beautiful girlfriend…fuck

What's wrong with me?

What world do i live in?

Do i really want to be here?

What's the fucking point?

Should i…fuck…should i just escape?

Sweet release…

Eternal nothingness…

No no no no no no NO!

You know what? Fuck the world, fuck opinions, fuck divisions, fuck governments, fuck races, fuck life and fuck humanity!

I'M HERE DO DO MY FUCKING PART AND THAT'S WHAT I'LL DO! I'M NOT GOING TO GIVE UP FOR SILLY BULLSHIT! KICK ME, PUSH ME, SPIT AT ME, INSULT ME. DO YOUR FUCKING WORST! JUST WATCH YOUR BACK WHEN YOU'RE AHEAD CUZ I'M ALREADY BEHIND YOU!

No…

I…i can't…

I don't know…

What do i do?

Fuck…