Strings Pulled By Fate(DLS#1)

19

19SPBF

The Reason

Just when I thought he's gonna let me leave,he doesn't. Nang makarating ako sa pintuan ay hinawakan niya ang aking palapulsuhan at saka hinarap. Kitang kita ko parin mula rito ang pamumula ng kaniyang mga mata.

"Ihahatid na kita kung gusto mo na talagang umuwi" pagsusumamo niya.

But how?

I can't be with him for the next few hours dahil baka bawiin ko ang sinabi kong magkikita pa kami.

Natatakot ako.

Kase gusto ko,pero hindi pa ito ang tamang oras.

I bit my lips and tried to get his hands off me. Huminga ako ng malalim at saka sinuri ang muka niya. Oh,God he's about to cry again. Hindi ko na masikmurang tingnan siya kaya pumayag ako.

"Hanggang sa terminal lang. Pagkatapos noon ay umuwi kana rin. Kaya ko na ang sarili ko" malamig kong sabi.

I want him to feel that i am really leaving him. Na desidido na ako sa desisyong gagawin ko. Gusto kong iparamdam sa kaniya na kahit anong gusto naming ipilit ang mga gusto namin ay hindi pa pwede. There's so many things at risk.

At eto na naman ako.

Still can't risk with Luis.

I just watched him drive. Ang maliit na ilaw ay natatamaan ang kaniyang muka kaya kahit madilim ay nakikita ko. Sinasaulo ko ang bawat parte ng muka niya. Ang buhok niya ay ganoon parin ang haba,ang mga mata niya ay mapang akit parin,ang ilong niya ay kuhang kuha ni yael,at ang labi niya mukang malambot parin. God,this is breaking my heart.

So this is how goodbye feels? It's like leaving your soul with someone and not sure if one day you'll be able to take it back. This is how it fucking feels to say goodbye. Na hindi ko mabigkas ang mga salitang paalam.

I savored every moment,i reminisced every moment that i had with him. How he took care of me,how he caress my cheeks,how he kissed me,how he made me feel so loved.

That's Luis Antonio for me.

"You're leaving again" it's not a question,it's a statement.

"Yeah,can't heal in the same environment that wrecked me." I smiled bitterly "But I'll come back. I'll come back running to you if you're still waiting. But don't deprive yourself of finding someone new because of me,because of my promise. I just don't want that for you."

He chuckled,like what I've said is a big joke,"You're the only one for me."

If this is a normal day,I'd smile that it'll reach my ears. But hell,this is a long day. Puno ng galit,sakit. Ni hindi nangibabaw ang pagmamahal sa isa't isa kaya kami nandito ngayon. Papuntang terminal para umuwi.

"We are not sure about that but we'll see,Luis." I assured him.

That's the only thing i can give him right now,assurance. Dahil kahit anong pilit ko na ibigay sa kaniya yung pagmamahal na matagal kong tinago ay hindi ko na kaya. I was just so tired to the point that i just want to love myself. But that doesn't mean I'll stop loving him,i just learned that i should love myself too. Dapat sarili rin. Because i gave him everything. Everything that i have.

And I'm still glad that i gave him that. Because right now,at least i found someone who made me his world.

Nang tinigil niya ang sasakyan,hudyat na ito ng aming paghihiwalay. I stayed quiet. Tumingin ako sa labas at ang iba ay nakaupo pa sa hilera. May pila kaya kailangan ko nang bumaba para hindi mahuli.