Seeking Control: A Sanders Sides Tale

Chapter Fifty-three

Virgil's P.O.V

"Anx? Are you busy?" Princey asks with a smile from my doorway. He walks in and tries to sit next to me. 

I stand up from my bed and start walking out saying, "Yeah. Uhh, Dee needs my help with a thing. So I should..." 

I don't give him the chance to respond but I notice his sadness. Of course that's a lie. I haven't spoken with Dee or anyone for that matter. As soon as everything with Devin was done and we were back in the mindscape I've been avoiding everyone. I walk through the mindscape towards the 'dark' commons. 

When I get there I notice that Dee is smiling to himself. 

"You seem happy. Something happen?" I ask from behind him. 

We go into the kitchen together and he says, "Yeah. Carsen did something I didn't expect before he left." 

Without saying anything I just nod and he asks what's wrong. I don't answer. Instead I try to keep myself together and keep back my tears. I lean on the island with my face in my hands. When he says for me to talk to him I lose my composure and start crying. He walks me back to the couch and puts his arm around me. After a few minutes I apologize because I never wanted to burden him with my problems.

"You know you don't have to apologize to me. What happened though?" he asks. Standing up I ask if we could go outside the compound. We get outside and start walking along the tree line in silence until I stop to ask a question. 

I ask, "If I needed to would you let me move back into the dark commons?" 

He takes a minute before telling me that I could and then asking why. 

"It's Roman... He's going to hate me. I hate me," I say softly. 

"Wait, what? I haven't really known Roman for too long but from what I do know is that he couldn't hate you if he tried. Virgil what's going on?" he says and grabs my wrist. 

When I wince in pain he looks at my arm so I try to pull back but he grabs my hand. He pulls up my sleeve and sees the obvious fresh cuts. 

"Virge... What's going on?" he asks. 

Softly I tell him that I kissed Devin when we were in the cage. To explain I remind him about how Devin used to act then I start walking again. 

"You know how my Fear Magic works right?" I ask. He must've figured out what I did. 

"That's what this is about... You want to tell him but you're scared of what his response will be," he says and I nod.

"Yeah because if I'm being honest I didn't have to do that. I could've just let them take him away but I wanted him to suffer. I wanted him to pay for everything he'd done! He hurt Carsen, he tried to kill you guys and that asshole used me to do it! I had to watch him hurt innocent people with my magic! I had to watch him while he did all of that to Carsen! He wanted to do more too! He wanted to- dammit! What the hell am I supposed to do?!" I yell angrily. 

The memories of everything he did comes back to me. 

"Listen to me. Do you love him?" he asks after making me look at him. 

"Yes!" I say and try to ask his point but he cuts me off. 

"Do you believe he loves you?" he asks which catches me off guard. "Think about everything you two have been through together. All of it. Now do you believe that he loves no matter what?" he asks again. 

I don't respond. Do I believe that? 

After a minute I say, "I think so..." He shakes his head like he's not satisfied with my answer.