Grounded

Chapter 12- the perfect day

After her words Lexa stares at me intently, and after my mouth opens and shuts multiple times, I eventually keep it shut, and hang my head towards the ground, "I- I'm sorry"......and her rant begins.

"Do you have any idea what you could have caused?! My enemies are everywhere Clarke, waiting for the perfect moment to get leverage over me, that could have been you! I don't do this to punish you, I have protected you from the moment you fell from the sky and still, that is what you do? Run?! What else could I have done, I am already giving up everything. They could have killed you Clarke, did you even think about that?! Why would you run.....I have given you no reason-"

"I'M FUCKING SCARED OKAY?!"

Eventually I couldn't take her harsh words and I just snapped, but once she realises this she kneels down so that her eyes are level with mine, "of what Clarke? Has someone hurt you because if so they will be punished severely and-"

"Of.......you Lexa", I finally admit with a sigh. I knew this would hurt her but, she needs to understand. However I immediately regret this as I see the fires die down and she slumps backwards onto the ground, lowering her gaze.

"I see.........you think I am a monster."

"Lexa look at me" and eventually she reluctantly lifts her gaze to meet mine, "I would never believe that, I am not afraid of the Heda but I am afraid of Lexa, the girl that you truly are, and when I am near you, I am afraid of myself, you have no idea how scary that is after years of hiding from pretty much everyone". I cannot even admit to myself of my growing feelings for this girl, so I was hoping this was enough to make her understand, as I slowly break her gaze and look to the sky.

"I lost someone special to me.....her name was Costia", I quickly look down to once again look into her pained eyes, "She was captured by the ice nation whose queen believed she knew my secrets. Because she was mine.....they tortured her, killed her, cut off her head. I thought I would never get over the pain but I did. After that Titus' teachings only became stronger, that love is weakness and to be commander is to be alone. Eventually I believed him, I shut off everything that made me human, and cared for no one, it was easier that way. I thought that I would never feel again, until you feel from the sky skaiprisa". She admitted with a smile, "I am scared too Clarke".

That only leaves me even more confused, I have no idea what I am meant to say to that so instead I try to explain my own actions, "I never told my parents.......about what they did to me. You are the only person I have ever told willingly, we have only known each other for a short time.......and still you have shown me more kindness than anyone outside of my family has. I thought you would run Lex, after seeing how broken I am........most people do. Since it all happened, the only person I have allowed to even come close to me has been Raven, she is the only person that has ever seen my scars."

"Clarke......we both have suffered, I could never run from the skaiprisa, you fell from the sky to give me hope, I know it. You never have to hide from me, understand? I know you are scared Clarke but please do not run from me again, I could not cope if I did not protect you.....and please never think that you are broken, you are quite the opposite".

I give her a slight nod and look back to the waterfall, "enjoy the day with me?"

"But Clarke we-"

"We can talk another day Lexa, for now we need to enjoy the day.......it seems we both need some time, unless the almighty Heda is incapable of fun?" I say with a challenging grin.

Instantly, a flash passes through her eyes and a smirk spreads across her face, she rises without a word, scooping me up and walking towards the waterfall, smirk still plastered across her face.