Get out of my life

Chapter 10

"H-hey" I said, looking down at my feet. He sat down next to me, much to my discomfort.
"What's going on? I didn't mean to scare you"
"I know" i said. It was silent for a little while before he spoke again.
"So about earlier-"
"You don't have to pretend" I said, eyes glued to my feet.
"I wasn't" he said kind of defensively. I knew that I had to do this though.
"You were. I don't need you to pity me. Pidge told you about my dad right? The panic attacks you saw? Just leave me alone" I said. He was silent for a bit. I wondered what his face looked like so I could see what he could possibly be thinking. Then he finally did.
"Keith, I don't pity you" He said softly. A part of me longed for him to be telling the truth, yet I knew it wasn't. I didn't respond. I just kept my head in its place. My eyes were watering, if I were to look up he'd see.
"Please say something" he said.
"What do you want me to say? I'm not gonna let you fuck with me" I said softly.
"What do you mean? Where is all of this coming from? Keith?" he said. Surprisingly I felt his hand run through my hair and tuck it behind my ear so he could see my face. He saw the tears.
"Keith-"
"What!" I said looking into his eyes now. His face was so sad, suddenly all the lies I had been telling myself washed away at the emotion I saw in his face. It wasn't pity, I knew it wasn't. He looked so... sad. More tears fell down my cheeks as I looked at him then I just exploded.

"I can't just let you into my life so you can break me. I don't know if you caught onto this or not but I've been broken too many times! I'm just a freak and i'm constantly belittling myself so even if there's a possibility you aren't trying to hurt me, I still couldn't bare the fact that you might see all my self hatred!"

he pulled me into a hug. It was tight and warm. I didn't know how to respond. It somewhat reminded me of Shiro's hugs.

Usually I hated all hugs, but this one was different. I felt safe. It took me a moment but I finally closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around him tightly and sobbed. He rubbed his hand in soothing circles on my back to calm me down, but the tears didn't stop. His other hand had planted itself into my hair and stayed there, occasionally massaging my head.

I balled up his shirt in both my hands and cried. I didn't know why but I couldn't stop. I was about to hate on myself again but someone cut me off.
"Thank you for telling me." he said calmly. His voice soothed my ever storming brain. "I'm glad to see you without your walls up, even if you didn't want to take them down in the first place."

I sniffled and quieted down so I could hear him better.

"I don't mind the fact that you're broken. I love puzzles, and I want to help peice you together. If anything you need someone now more than ever. Please don't push me away, I really care about you."

his last sentence came out shakey.

My eyes widened at it. Did he really care? Was it possible? I couldn't remove from the hug or I would have to face him. So I took a big step for me and shared my feelings.
"I'm scared" he stayed silent like he was thinking.
"Of me?" he finally said.
"Yes" I said pulling away from him. I wanted to put my walls back up. I put my head down and wiped the tears from my face with my hand. He sensed this and grabbed my face with his hands and pulled me up to look at him in the eyes. I had never felt so vulnerable and I hated it. He noticed this and smiled softly.
"Don't lock yourself up just yet... what are you afraid of"

I couldn't just not respond to him. The way he looked at me with those eyes got me every time.
"So much could go wrong. You could give up on me" I said.
"How can I prove to you how much I want you?" he said." my eyes widened and he chuckled softly.
"I-I don't think anything could. Like I said, I'm broken. I'm not like normal people, everything is backwards with me" I tried my best to explain my self hating voice.
"Elaborate" he said simply. I paused for a second trying to think about how to deliver all of this.
"I-..." he nodded waiting patiently. "I don't know" I said pulling back from him and locking my head down at my feet.
"Come on Keith I won't make fun of you... Please?" he said. It was easier to ignore him now that I didn't have to look at his face.