Get out of my life

Chapter 12

We had walked back and spent the rest of the night at the party. I felt weird, and hoping not to run into lotor again. I stayed up all night with my earbuds in because of the thunder that never stopped. Overall, the sleepover was crap. When morning came I got up quickly and packed my things excited to get home. The thunder was still going.

Everyone was still asleep as it was 7 am, but I didn't care. I stepped outside and it was lightly misting with overcast. I braced myself. I could feel my hands trembling begging me to go back inside to safety, but I wasn't having it. I sprinted down the sidewalk as fast as I could and at one point my eyes locked shut and wouldn't open again.

The fear built up on my shoulders didn't cease, in fact became heavier as I trudged on.

Eventually I let myself peek out to see if I was close and sure enough there Shiro was In the window making coffee. Relieved, I ran in and locked the door behind me. I slid down and sat there.
"Oh, hey Keith. Why are you here so early?" I looked up at him, and he could see the pain in my face. Then I looked back down. His eyes widened and he came up next to me and took a seat. Gently putting his arm around me he spoke

"What happened?"
"What you'd expect of me when it comes to sleepovers" I said gloomily. I didn't flinch into his contact surprisingly, though I had also just ran through the rain during thunder, so I was probably delirious.
"So you felt awkward the whole time and you're totally drained from talking to people? Oh and it's thundering outside" I simply nodded my head. I couldn't have felt better to have been in a home that was familiar to me. Shiro was so warm and I never wanted to leave.
"I'm gonna go to my room" I said.
"Alright, get some rest. You look like you haven't slept"
"You're so insightful" I said sarcastically.

I later got texts from everyone asking where I went around 10, and I responded with I had to go early and help Shiro with something. I didn't even really care if they believed me at that point. I flopped onto my bed and slept.

When I next woke up it was Monday. I was surprised at this. Never had I slept that long.
"Shiro! How long was I sleeping?" I asked
"I don't remember!" He said. I groaned and got ready for the day.
At school I saw lotor and I avoided eye contact, though I knew he was smirking at me. I hurried over and sat down at my desk.

I hadn't even seen Lance sitting next to me.
"What was that about?" He caught me off guard, and you guessed it, I was startled. He laughed again and apologized for it then repeated his question
"I don't know what you're talking about" I said. My walls were back. It didn't necessarily feel nice, but they were familiar so I guess that was comforting.
"Will you come watch basketball after school?" I heard Lance ask.
"I can't today I've got the planning committee thing with Pidge and Allura."
"Oh yeah" he said disappointed. I felt bad.
"I can ask if we can end early though?"
His bright smile returned.
"Awesome"

So here I was again going out of my way to just watch a stupid basketball practice. It feels so right to give up looking for allura and just go back into the art room and never leave. Just my luck though, I found Allura and asked her to end our meeting earlier today. Pidge eventually came into the conversation and sided with me with no other reason then the fact that she didn't really want to go today. By the time the bell rang, Pidge and I were successful.

Okay, how's it going me? I asked myself. I had kind of completely disregarded the fact that Lance was giving me signs that he liked me and and wanted to date. I'm not sure what it was about myself that wouldn't' allow happiness in my life. I suppose I'd have to face my fear at some point and ask myself why I hated everything about me, but I never expected to it right in the middle of math class.
I immediately regretted even coming close to answering those questions though, as the voice in my head returned.

Hey keith. How are you?? So nice for you to willingly drop in and pay me a visit. I shuddered and tried to backstep out of my own head. Noooope doesn't work like that buddy. Well crap.
Skip to after escuela (that's school in spanish idk sorry i'll stop)

There he was. Running around on a court that never before had struck interest in my until today. I watched. And I wasn't bored. I know it's crazy right? Pidge of course was loud as ever, and by the time practice was over, she had lost her voice.
"Do you need some water? I asked her as we left the gym. She nodded her head slowly, knowing that I was bound to tell her 'I told you so' from the many warnings I gave prior. I laughed and walked over to the a water fountain. A couple of basketball players were standing there and chatting. I immediately felt out of place and my insecurities rose.

None of them had probably noticed me but yet my hand still shook lightly as I filled up Pidge's water bottle. They talked about Lance. When I heard it my ears perked up to the name.
"Yeah, he played way better today than last year. I'd honestly be surprised if he wasn't made captain."
"I wouldn't be, there's Lotor too, ya know?"
"Yeah, i'd hate to be in Coach's shoes right now" at this point I stopped listening because they started using slang I didn't understand.
Suddenly i had an epiphany. Maybe I couldn't face it on my own. Why I am unsuccessful so often, am I thinking about all of this backwards? Should I ask for lances help? Every bone in my body wanted me to but something felt off about it. Well that came out of nowhere. I thought. I laughed at myself and decided to think about this later.

I just wrote this story to lift some stress from my shoulders and grow as a person. If you are enjoying it I'd be glad to continue it but for now I've lost motivation. But thanks for getting this far if you have! All you have to do is let me know and I'll keep writing. ;)