Summer's story

She's better off without me

I feel extremely selfish. I see that summers life has gotten better and i should be happy for her. Instead im just thinking about myself. She doesnt even miss me does she? In the first few days that she dumped e as her best and only friend, Ill admit her life was worse. I was ready to jump in and save her but slowly it all stopped. Things just got worse for me although as usual i didnt care.However it was a little harder to manage when i had no one else to distract my mind on. But anyways, after it all stopped for summer, she made a new friend. her name was Valery. I HATED her. She stole my best friend. Sure, it was summers decision to stop being my friend first but still. And before you start thinking that i was gonna do the same thing im 100% sure that i wasnt ACTUALLY gonna do it. I needed her.  She was the reason i was still strong. Valery had pretty light brown eyes and she was a perfect height. She seemed nice at first and then i tried to contact summer again and i saw who she REALLY was. She was a bish but i noticed that summer was turning like that too. I couldnt understand why summer had chosen her over me. Im a much better friend.

*Flash back*

I decided to text summer to see if she would respond. Maybe she isnt still mad and maybe she wants to be my friend again. i doubt the last part though. She has a new best friend and she seems extremely nice. 

Hey Summer! Its Veronica. I just wanted to see how things were going. Whats up?

No response. An hour later i tried again maybe she just didnt see my first one.

Hey its me again! Maybe you didnt see my first text?

A minute later I saw READ and i knew she saw it. 

SUMMER IS TYPING..... 

I patiently waited. What would she say? Ill admit i was scared.

This is Valery, her NEW best friend. You know what that means? She doesnt need you anymore im much better. She doesnt want to text you or talk to you or even see oyu ever again. And if you were wondering she told me to tell you this but trust me i mean it. WE dont want you to even exist.

I left it on read and turned off my phone. I felt something on my cheek. It was wet and it was going downward as if it was a trail. It was coming from my eyes. I could only descirbe it as tears. But it couldnt be. I couldnt be crying over this. This was incredibly stupid and I shouldnt care. Only i did. I was crying and as this came to realization, the waterworks just came out even more. I think that i was taking this chance to cry about everything. How i was being bullied, how my friend left me because i was the cause for her suffering too, how she met someone better and they both hate me, how i had no body to talk to because even my mom wasnt around. I was a mess. My life was a mess. Life sucks. I suddenly understood why summer had those cuts on her wrist. I felt the need to do it too but stopped myself because i promised myself i would NEVER. 

I soon convinced myself that promises were meant to be broken and went in search for something. I was satisfied with a box cutter and made one single cut on my left wrist. I fel guilty right away. I would never do this agian. I ran to the bathroom, crying even harder because i was so stupid to cut myself. Soon the bleeding stopped and it washed away in the sink as quickly as my guilt. I went back to bed, tired after the hard cry and a soothing sleep came over me. I was happy in dreamland.

*end of flashback*

I trace the scab on my left wrist with my index finger. Its been a reminder of what pain can make you do. I have kept my promise and i havent cut again but the weird thing is, i havent even felt the need to. My remedy is sleep. As weird as that sounds, sleep helps me in all ways. it isnt even bad for me in a health sense. Im lucky to have found another remedy that cutting. I cantt imagine both my wrists filled with cuts all the way to my elbows or even higher. Another thing that helps me is music. Loud raps and rock melodies fill my ears as i think and other times my mind is just focused on the music which is even better. I go online to FaceSpace and see the usual feed of hate. Id like to say im used to it but it still hurts.