Do you remember?

Chapter Four

I couldn't believe I was doing this. I told myself that I would never go to a therapist. Yet, here I was sitting in the waiting room of Dr. Tyler. It took all my strength not to get up and leave. I wanted to leave so bad but I knew that I needed it. I needed to talk to someone or else... I might do something bad to myself. The therapist opened her door with a huge smile on her face.

"Valencia." she called.

I cringed at my name. I hated being called my full name. Rowan was the one who started my nickname Val. I sighed and stood up, walking over to her.

"I would like to be called Val." I said putting a fake smile on my face.

"It is so nice to meet you. Would you mind talking to me in my office?" she asked.

What did she think I was here for? She is a therapist we are supposed to talk. Her office was tiny with two armchairs sitting across from each other and leafy plants in each corner of the room. I sat down in one of the chairs as she sat down across from me. She repositioned her glasses and put a new page of paper on her clipboard.

"I'm Gina Tyler. You may call me Gina. Your mother called me and said that you are going through a tough situation. Would you like to talk about that?" she was talking so sincere it sounded like she was the crazy one.

I stared at my lap, playing with the bottom of my top. I knew what I wanted to say but I didn't want to cry in front of a stranger.

"I understand if you wouldn't like to talk but you are here for..." she looked down at her watch, "fifty minutes. We can sit in silence."

"Can you please not write anything down?" I asked.

"Anything to make you more comfortable." Gina said placing the clipboard on the floor.

"Okay... my best friend Rowan is dead. We told each other we were soul sisters. She accepted all my flaws and loved me for me..." I felt my throat begin to close as I trying not to cry.

"Do you feel like you will never have a relationship with anyone like you had with Rowan?" she asked.

Thoughts of Rowan screamed in my mind. I didn't hear her question. I didn't realize how good it would feel to open up to someone.

"I'm scared that one day I will wake up and be okay with her gone. That her not being here will become normal. I never want a day to go by where I haven't thought of Rowan. She made me the person I am today. She helped me become outgoing, outspoken and carefree.... I remember one day when we got out of school early and went to the park. We were on the swings for hours, just talking. Rowan was not a normal friend. I never had to impress her. I never had to try with her. Everything just came naturally in our friendship. She could tell me what I was worried about even before I started to worry. She would tell me to go to nurse before I even started to feel sick. Rowan could read me better than anyone else in the world. I feel like now no one is going to know how I feel because I hide my feelings. She was the only person in this world that could tear my emotions out of the deepest depths inside of me..... When you have a relationship like that with someone you will never recover."

I didn't know I was crying until the therapist handed me a tissue. Crying had become so normal. She stopped asking me questions. She never even replied to me. When I glanced up at her I noticed that Gina had teary eyes. For the rest of our session neither of us talked. I sat there crying, breaking and falling to pieces. I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to face my mother asking me hundreds of questions about my therapy session. I felt secure in the tiny office. I felt safe with Gina like she understood me something that my mother has never been.