Do you remember?

Chapter Nine

I sat in Gina's office once again. I was released from the hospital two days ago but my body still ached. It was a dull pain but I could feel it every time I moved.

"Would you like to explain to me why you tried to hurt yourself?" she said, placing her clipboard on the ground.

I don't remember my thoughts from that night. I don't remember really anything from that night. I'm glad that I don't. But I know if I were to hurt myself now I knew the reason.

"I am tired." I said.

She nodded. There was a silence. It wasn't an awkward silence though. Gina was deep in thought I could see it in her face, she was concentrating hard.

"Are you tired of being without Rowan?" she said, studying me.

I nodded not being able to speak. My throat was beginning to close and tears threatened my eyes.

"You don't know who you are as a person. You only know who you and Rowan are as a person. The two of you have been friends for so long that you identify yourself with Rowan. You need to take this time to discover who you are. Not who you and Rowan were but who you are now."

She was right but I didn't want her to be. I didn't want to lose the person I was with Rowan because it all I have left of her. If I change myself then I will lose the part of Rowan that is still inside of me. I wasn't ready to lose more of her yet.

"Let's talk about school. It has been three months, you should really think about returning soon." Gina said sincerely.

"I know but I can't yet. I don't think I'll ever be." I said a tear escaping the threshold of my eye.

Gina nodded. She tilted her head and stared at me. I wiped the tear away but soon enough another year escaped.

"Val, you don't agree with the police report, do you?" She said

My glares at her. I probably made myself look guilty. She nodded and picked up her clipboard scribbling something down before placing it back on the ground.

"I can read you. Everything you think you know about her death is most likely you looking for answers. I have seen it before. You are looking for answers and you over analyze small details."

"How do you know that?" I asked.

"It happens a lot. I see it a lot with patients who have lost a loved one." She said.

I suddenly feel comfortable near her anymore. I grabbed my coat and ran for the door.

"What is wrong?" she asked sounding generally concerned.

"I need air. This appointment is over."

As I walked out I saw the slightest smile across her face. It wasn't an apologetic smile either it seemed sinister.