Do you remember?

Chapter Twentyone

"Why did you never tell me Rowan." I said breaking the silence between us.

We sat in the same room but it felt like we were a thousand miles apart. She stared at her fingernails, picking at her cuticles. We were alone. If this were several months ago we wouldn't be able to stop talking but not a sound was heard in the room. She wouldn't look me in the eyes as if she was worried about something. I had never seen this side of her. I knew the rambunctious, confident, outgoing and spunky Rowan. I have never met this Rowan before.

"It's Raelyn now. It isn't safe to go by my old name," she said quietly, still not making eye contact.

I thought she would be excited to me and I thought I would be excited to see her. I had imagined we would run to each other and hug and scream. It wasn't like that. We stared at each other barely knowing who the other person was. It was like looking at my old life in photographs. Everything has changed since she left. I was finally coming to terms with her death. I have (or had) a relationship with Theo. I felt like I hadn't seen her in years. There was no hugging or screaming either. It felt as if we were strangers. But we aren't strangers we were best friends, soul sisters, for years. Neither of us can forget that. I sighed. What if we were too different now to be friends? I cringed at the thought.

She looked different from the last time I had seen her. The usually blond hair that flowed down her back was cut shorter and died black. She had a fake tan that made her skin seem as if she were Mexican. If I didn't know better I would think she was Hispanic.

"I couldn't tell you, okay..." she said, getting up to look out the window.

"I was there for you. I trusted you with my entire life. You were my entire life. I looked at you as a sister to me and you couldn't even tell me that you weren't actually dead! I spent five months thinking you were dead when you were having the best time of your life. I cried myself to sleep every night because I would wake up and you still wouldn't be alive. I spent five months... and you didn't even have the decency to tell me before hand. I'm not sure what gave you the idea that you couldn't tell me this big secret you were hiding. I thought I knew everything about you. I know absolutely nothing about you. Our friendship could have been one big lie." I said yelled, blistering with frustration.

She stared out the window still not even acknowledging that I was speaking to her. I felt anger bubble up inside of me.

"Don't you think that I wanted to tell you? I was trying to keep you safe. The less you knew the better off you were. And do you think I wanted to leave without telling you... Because I didn't. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. I am seventeen years old, having to get up and leave your home, friends and family isn't easy. Don't you dare ever tell me that I had it easy here. I cried everyday until no more tears came until I became numb to the feeling. I am numb to everything. I don't feel anything anymore..." She fell to the floor sobbing.

This reunion wasn't going as I thought it would. I went over to her and gathered her up in my arms as if I was the glue holding her together. I rested my head on hers and we cried together. It was just like old times. Only back then we would cry from laughing too hard. The circumstances where much different now.