Breaking the Fantasy (Polyfidelity)

Chapter 8 - Lingering Thoughts

Chapter 8 - Lingering Thoughts

Saville's POV:

Hangovers are almost constant now. They've become an integrated part of my day, along with Tylenol and greasy food. It doesn't really help, so time is my only savior ultimately. Just as pounding migraines and mouthwatering nausea alleviate around 9pm, I head home from work and straight to a bar.

Each night I try to pick a random bar. I try walking different routes, just so I can walk by new places that will numb this pain in me. Ever since meeting Elliot and Alex, I haven't felt emotionally numb. No, this has just given to a different problem though.

I'm not numb.
But I wish I was.
Again.

For months now, I wished I could feel something in LA. I wished something, some project or accomplishment would change my outlook. But that isn't possible. There's that theory that if your feeling shitty, it's up to you to change it, but isn't that a bit psychotic?

It's psychotic to think we can change our mood, or our state of being to one of something happier. If this was true, there would be no problems in the world, let alone mental illness.

Do I have a mental illness?

I never actually thought I might. It was always a joke to myself. Something funny to say about myself in a sarcastic, hyperbolic joke. Now that I think about it, am I really joking? Am I depressed? Do I need the help of a professional that can prescribe medication?

Is it depression if what caused it, is your fault?

Or is it Karma?

_______

The heady mix of lust, pain and unrelenting pleasure that encapsulates my consciousness is a cloud of heat. I can feel the soft chill of the sheets somewhere around me, but I can't specifically say where. My back is so warm, almost radiating through my body as hairy skin touches my smooth, yet slick with sweat skin.

"Are you sure, about this, Puppy?" I hear the comforting, deep husk of Eli speaking behind me. His sweet cinnamon breathe wafts into my ear and calms my galloping heart. It's without thought that I respond.

"Yes Master, please, I need it." The whiny tone of my voice sounds out of body. Then again, aren't I out of body? It's almost like watching yourself do something, say something, but you have no idea what it is or why... is this insanity or is this heaven?

"He said he wants it Elliot." I hear another deep, yet colder voice peek into my blurry consciousness. It's only when I see Alex approaching me that I finally figure out my position.

I lay, my back on Eli's chest, while he lays back down on a bed. I can feel Elliot's hands holding one of my legs up, while his other hand rests/grasps my stomach. Watching Alex approach is like watching a predator stalking its prey.

His large cock swings beautifully in between his tanned, furry thighs. It's the same massive tool that I've jacked myself off too for years on my laptop. Never once did I think I could have the real thing.

I'm almost twitching in anticipation.

Just as I clench and unclench, I feel a fullness I hadn't fully identified before. It had been so long I couldn't accurately remember the feeling, but I can now almost describe the veins on Elliot's dick as it simply rests in me; waiting for Alex's cock to join us as well.