| 8 Days Before |
Dear Calum,
You held my hand today. it gave me goosebumps and that jolt of positivity. it gave me hope.
you asked me why i looked so ‘out of it’, but i know you thought i looked horrible. my hair was messy, my clothes resembled laziness and our conversations were cut short on the bus because i didn’t feel like talking. i owe you an explanation.
just not now.
my lips are dry.
you haven’t kissed me and i know you still see me as just a sophomore.
im so content about the negatives. it seems like that that is reality of this all.
‘where’s your sharpies’ is what started our first fight.
‘not with me.’ was the response i gave you.
‘it’s okay, i have one in my backpack.’ i saw you unzipping your black jansport bag, as you dug under your books searching for the pen.
i immediately took my hands and sat on it, digging it under my thighs.
im sorry calum.
you’ll never understand.
its the truth of this all.
‘did i do something?’ is what you asked me.
‘no.’
i will never forget that look. that look you gave me, as if to say, ‘tell me, i’ll listen.’
but i never told you anything. instead, i scooted closer to the window, the coldness touching my cheek. i faced the other way, as i saw you looking down, twiddling with your black sharpie.
you suddenly stopped and asked me, ‘did i hurt you?’
i didn’t respond, because i didn’t want to tell you. it’s not like you plotted or planned on hurting me. it just happened. i’m pathetic i know, but you wouldn’t understand. because it isn’t you who is hurting me.
i ignored the rest of the bus ride. it went awfully slow since it was a rainy day.
before i knew it, you were holding my hand in silence.
i’ll never forget the feeling you brought amongst my body.
that tingling, heated feeling that surged from my hand, to my face.
you know how to fix calum.
it’s funny kind of, you still held my hand after the fact that i was sick.
hey i hope you have a good day and i really hope you i didn’t ruin it.
—
i’m at lunch right now.
i see you across the quad.
i see you with her and i see you smiling.
she’s a senior, i’ve seen her in the year book.
she’s hard to miss.
she’s sitting on your lap, laughing as you whisper something in her ear.
although i feel pain flowing through my body and tears brimming in my eyes, i feel happy for you.
i don’t know if you and her are even a thing.
but i know, by the look in your eyes, that she’s kind of perfect for you.
and as long as you’re happy, i am too.
it’s not like we were a thing anyways.
-nia x
p.s atleast it gives your ex an actual fight to compete in. tell her thanks for the bruises.
__
and...SCENE
hiya ok sorry i havent updated, school has been a real pain the booty hole
but ya heres an update hope ya'll liked
THIS IS ENDING LIKE SOON
but thank u so much for 300, you are da #1
i still have hw but i updated this instead okok ily bye (:
-alyssa
