The Vacuum

Part 30

Alex rolled her eyes as she heard a stern pounding on her door followed by a male voice calling for her to open up. It had been almost a month since she had gotten home and her apartment showed it along with the nonlinear scattered thoughts that slingshotted around in her mind. Take out and pizza boxes littered the room, getting close to her trash can but not quite making it. A full ashtray filled with roaches from her medication and several beer and liquor bottles littered the coffee table.

The month had been filled with busy work during the day which suited her fine. When she was working she could ignore the stab in her chest and the thoughts bouncing around. The night, on the other hand, was a different story. Summer had tried to set her up with a 'sweet young man' as she described him who was right up her alley. Their age, talented artist, nice but with the dark features of an artist. She'd declined, unwilling to take the chance on Travis. She doubted any nice guy could handle her any more anyway. Mac was the only one who seemed to get her and he was a monster. A monster that she more and more came to realize she had been stupid enough to....

"Alexandra! Open the door or I'm going to put you on suicide watch!" The voice yelled through the door.

Alex sighed and leaned back into her sofa, rubbing her face with the joint in hand before pushing herself up with a noise of irritation. Snatching the bottle of Jack Daniels from the table she stumbled toward the door and pulled the chain before undoing the locks. "I've never been suicidal." She reminded the man outside the door when it opened.

Damien sighed before raising an eyebrow at the joint in her hand and the bottle that partnered with it. "You missed your last two sessions...don't you think you're going a bit overboard with that?" He asked as Alex moved back to let him into the apartment.

"Nope." She answered bluntly, taking a chug from the bottle and following him.

Damien nodded and looked around the apartment, taking in the clutter and mess as he nodded and took off his coat. "You fired your housekeeper?" He asked with a little smile.

"Har har har....what do you want Damien?" She muttered.

Damien sighed and looked at her as he draped his coat along the back of the sofa. "I want you to tell me whats going on. What happened out there?"

"Out where?" Alex said as she took a long puff.

Damien shook his head, knowing that she was inverting again. "In Utah Alex." He said pushing away an empty carton of what was once Chinese food. "In the vacuum."

Alex rubbed her messy hair and shifted from foot to foot, looking anywhere but at her friend and therapist. "I didn't come because I didn't want to talk about it." She replied dryly.

Damien looked at her closely. "You met someone." He tried, watching as her eyes darted up. "And then you had to leave?"

Alex licked her lips. "I don't leave people behind. I think...I think I left someone there that needed help...maybe two people."

Damien leaned back and looked at her as she started to pull bottles off the table. "That's not like you at all..." He murmured more to himself than anything. Alex's instinct from the moment she had been taken on was to fight and save. She had dreams when she first came back where she fantasized about being able to save all of the people that were taken. She'd dreamed about killing all of the men that she couldn't remember the faces of. However unrealistic the feeling had stuck. Even if she hated the person (As she had the two women she had helped escape with her when she had come back) she didn't leave people behind.

"I was...startled." She muttered as she dropped the bottles into the recycling bin. "Overwhelmed."

"And you're still overwhelmed," Damien stated for himself but she made a face that confirmed it. "Alex...sweetheart. You've never left someone in danger...there's nothing that you can do."