The Love of a Stranger

This Is It

"-I love you Dan."

I wasn't entirely sure if he'd remembered about me asking him to let me take the bullet, but the way I handled it made it seem like I asked for his permission for me to die. I had to make that phone call before anything happened, I didn't want him to remember our last conversation together as being an argument. My mother was getting impatient now as she clung onto her bleeding wound and eagerly stared at my dad in anticipation of the gunshot, if it was her this would've been all over by now. I flung my phone away, yet again waiting for my long-awaited death. Like how I imagined it, I spread my arms in surrender waiting to tolerate the excruciating pain of the bullet. I could join Jack now, I could be free from the prison that life held me captive in, weight would be lifted off the shoulders of many people, I held onto that thought, this was a good thing.

"DO IT NOW!" My mum screamed at my dad. I nodded at him, forgiving him of his stupid actions. He closed his eyes and turned his head before pulling the trigger. Headshot.

Darkness was a very close friend of mine, it comforted me in a warm blanket of security and safety in the worst of times. I was simply a floating being of existence in my mind. A throbbing sensation pulsated throughout me, pressure being repeatedly put on me. Is this what death is like? I was never a believer in heaven, seemed like too much of a delight after experiencing something as terrible as death. Death was simply nothing. You were dead before you were born: not existing, it's almost the same as being unconscious, so why were people so afraid of dying? I certainly wasn't, I welcomed it with opened arms, literally. Some people like to believe that when they die, they are born with a new identity forgetting the previous life. They believe this because it's a beacon of hope for them, it makes death seem more like a checkpoint rather than an ending, but the way my life had led onto be I didn't want to live again. Sure, death would affect other people's lives either horrifically or - in my mums case - beneficially, but that doesn't mean to say that people won't miss you, because there will be at least one person who will miss having you around; they will miss your laugh, miss your smile, the way you look, the way you act, and as hard as it is to believe, Dan was my only one. Of course the rest of the guys but Dan the most. I thought about him in my final moments, in our final moments. I was so selfish towards him, and ignorant, and mean and deluded...and like they say; like mother, like daughter. I couldn't bare it that I never apologised face to face. I never told him that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, marry him, find a house of our own, start a family and grow old together but I guess he will have to find someone else to do that with him, someone other than me.

I had lost the war that I had been fighting in all my life. My mum won. She got what she wished for and now - assuming that she doesn't get arrested for Jack's murder - she could carry on with her first class life and if she goes after Dan then so help me God that I will haunt her every second for as long as she lives.

Like having my eyes closed I saw nothing, heard nothing, felt nothing, smelled nothing, I was nothing...until suddenly, I could feel myself spread out like I was being rolled out. I could soon start to feel a pumping sensation, I heard beating again and again. I felt myself have fingers, arms, legs, a body and a head. What was happening? I don't understand. The sense of touch came back to me. Various textures and materials came into contact with my entire body and it felt like something I missed having. My senses came back to me one by one, my sight was the last thing for I had still not opened my eyes. I wasn't sure if I could but I attempted. They felt like I had the weight of the world on top of them and I had the strength of a mouse. They got sore and tired but I was curious as to why these bodily functions were coming to me, I thought I was dead, I did get shot in the head...didn't I? That was something you'd have a very low chance of surviving and it rarely happened, but like I said, death is like being unconscious.

What seemed like a lifetime of trying, eventually the tiniest amount of light appeared in front of me in a thin horizontal line. The more I tried the more that line became wider and the light became brighter. How was I doing this?

I seemed stiff. As soon as I took that first breath I knew I had survived. The tiniest flicker of the eyes lids pained me, my head hurt beyond belief and it was impossible to ignore it. Right at that moment I was trying to figure out what the fuck was going on.

I had my eyes open for about a minute now and the light had died down, I could only figure out the the ceiling that was above me, and it was safe to say that I have seen that ceiling before, I had recognised it to be the ceiling of a hospital room. Yep, I had survived.

Minutes after my resurrected awakening I was in full control of myself. I seemed normal, I didn't have any brain damage or anything like that although that was still to be put to the test. My thoughts were keeping me company right now.

A large tube was stuffed down my throat providing me with oxygen that I gladly accepted but it was bothering me, I'm sure my lungs can work themselves thank you very much. I removed the tube and felt my dry mouth clamp together. I needed water. I closed my eyes again, resting them just when the door opened, I could only make out the footsteps of three maybe four people.

A/n: I dunno this got very deep very quickly. Wow guys 10k that amazing, thank you so much! It would also help if you read my other fanfic, it's just reached 1.2k, it's absolutely mental!