Apocalypse Rising (Book One)

Bad Wolf

The Apocalypse fell out of a spinning cupboard onto a floor and groaned, wincing as she landed right on her face. "Ow," she muttered.

"Oh, my God!" a voice yelped above her, and she wearily lifted her head to see a young girl with blonde pigtails and a white jacket run up to her. "I don't believe it! Why'd they put you in there? They never said you were coming!"

"What happened?" the Apocalypse asked dazedly, rolling her head around, cringing as she got the kinks in her neck. "I was . . . "

"Careful now," the girl told her, and the Apocalypse stumbled when she got to her feet. "Oh! Oh, mind yourself! Oh, that's the transmat. It scrambles your head. I was sick for days. All right? So, what's your name, then, sweetheart?"

"The Apocalypse, I think," she answered in a mutter, holding out her arms to keep her balance, even though she figured she looked silly for it. "I was, er . . . I don't know. What happened? How - ?"

"You got chosen," the girl replied.

"Chosen for what?"

"You're a housemate! You're in the house! Isn't that brilliant?"

"That's not fair!" a young man by the screen complained. "We've got eviction in five minutes! I've been here for all nine weeks, I've followed the rules, I haven't had a single warning, and then she comes swanning in!"

"If they keep changing the rules, I'm going to protest, I am," the dark-skinned woman in a pink shirt added. "You watch me, I'm going to paint the walls!"

"Would the Apocalypse please come to the Diary Room?" The Apocalypse looked around before heading through a door to sit on a comfy chair. "You are live on channel forty four thousand. Please do not swear."

"By all the gods that ever existed," the Apocalypse groaned. "You have got to be kidding me!"

***

Rose moaned quietly as she blinked. "What happened?" she asked.

"It's all right," a dark-skinned man over her said. "It's the transmat. Does your head in. Get a bit of amnesia. What's your name?"

"Rose," she replied, sitting up. "But where's the Apocalypse?"

"Just remember: do what the android says. Don't provoke it. The android's word is law."

"What do you mean, android?" Rose asked in confusion. "Like a robot?"

"Positions, everyone! Thank you!"

"Come on, hurry up," the man told her, helping her stand. "Stead, steady."

"I was traveling with my sister, the Apocalypse, and my brother, a man called Captain Jack Harkness," Rose recalled. "Caly wouldn't just leave me!"

"That's enough chat. Positions! Final call! Good luck!"

"But I'm not supposed to be here!" Rose insisted.

"It says Rose on the podium," the man pointed out to her. "Come on!"

Rose wobbled after him, seeing him take his place by a podium with the name Rodrick on it, and she blinked, looking around. "Hold on," she murmured. "I must be going mad! It can't be! This looks like the - "

"Android activated!" the floor manager shouted, and a droid in front of them lit up.

Rose blanched. "Oh, my God. The android. The Anne droid."

"Welcome to The Weakest Link!" the Anne droid announced.

***

"Here we go again. We've got out work cut out for us."