Everything Will Be Alright ↠ Henjei [ COMPLETED ]

"That Was A Mistake" Pt. 15

- Wednesday 11:06 pm

     The whole night me and Henrik had been talking about numerous things. Politics, religion, Evak, even reminiscing about old memories while filming. This whole night had been incredible, and that was because it was real.

     Even if I could never act out on my feelings for this guy, I would be satisfied with this at least- late nights out with a beer or blunt, talking about interesting topics that actually mattered. That was probably all I'd ever get with him, and i was content with that; it was enough for me.

     The pub had quieted down now, and it was way less crowded which I was thankful for. I was surprised at how much the vibe changed when there was just faint chatter being drowned out by the music, I loved it.

    I was definitely a bit tipsy, I wouldn't say drunk though. Henrik, I don't think so. He seemed the complete same, so put together and self assured. Plus, he wasn't downing his drinks like I was. I could tell I was starting to slur my words slightly, and that worried me. What if I drank so much that I had no control over what I was saying and confessed my feelings? After considering that idea, I slowed down on the beer.

     "And you know I love my parents to death, but they would never leave me alone when I lived with them." I said, in the middle of telling Henrik the story about why I moved out of my parents place. "It was distracting. They'd come in every 10 minutes asking about you, or why I wasn't dating anyone, just... random things like that."

    "Aw, they care." He replied softly, a hint of amusement clear in his tone.

    I chuckled and nodded, "Yeah... but now that I live alone, it's not as great as I imagined. I have so much free time and no one to spend it with."

   "Well, you know you can always call me if you need some company."

    I smiled sheepishly, "I might just take you up on that offer."

    He stared at me with a innocent smile, as if contemplating if he should do something. I raised an eyebrow at him in confusion, but before I could say anything about it- he leaned forward and connected our lips.

    I gasped in his mouth, almost falling off my chair. As stupid as it sounded, there really were sparks flying everywhere. His lips moved softly against mine, and even though the kiss only lasted a few seconds, it seemed so much longer.

    My hand went up to his neck to deepen the kiss, but the second I did, he abruptly pulled back. His eyes were wide and his face was full of realization. After the realization came regret, and that's when I felt my heart clench and throat tighten.

    I suddenly felt sober, like I hadn't had any alcohol in my body for weeks- though I knew it wasn't true. I was in pure shock.

    He stood up and i with him. His eyes scanned the room in nervousness, "I'm sorry, that-that was a mistake-" Henrik blurted out, causing me to furrow my eyebrows.

    I felt like I just got punched in the gut. I stood there, tense and unsure of what to even say. "D-Don't be sorry, I understand.."

    I didn't understand. I didn't understand anything right now. I felt a lump form in my throat and just didn't get how this could go from so good to so bad in a matter of seconds.

    "Just please forget that ever happened." He said and his expression was struck with fear.

    I'm not gonna cry. I'm not gonna cry.

    My heart felt heavy, all I could do was nod in understanding. I didn't want to cause him more stress.

    "I uh, should go-" He mumbled, and didn't even give me a chance to respond before he rushed off to the exit.

    I looked after him, I even debated calling his name or following him, but decided against it. I'm not going to give in this time- I'm not going to keep chasing him when I'm getting nowhere.

    My vision became blurry, and it didn't matter that I tried to hold them back because eventually, hot tears were trickling down my cheeks. I wiped them the second they escaped and looked down in embarrassment.

    I'm such a fool. I'm such a freaking idiot.

    The last thing I wanted to do was go home right now, so I stayed at that pub- downing as many drinks as I possibly could; anything to numb the way I was feeling. I didn't even know how I felt, hurt- regret?

    Was I angry at Henrik?

    No. I wasn't.

    I was angry at myself. Why? Because, I told myself not to get attached and now look at me- drinking alone, drowning in self pity, with our kiss somehow being the best and worst moment of my life.

    There was one thing I couldn't stop thinking about though, and that was that Henrik kissed me first.

    It had to be the alcohol, right?

    I wasn't even sure if I wanted to know, so instead, I just continued drinking.

    I drank all night until the bar closed, and the bartender practically had to drag me out of the place so he could close up.

"Listen buddy, I've got to get home. We've been closed for 45 minutes already." The bartender said, annoyance clear in his voice.

I let out a loud sob, "I just don't understand- w-why did he have to do that?! Why did he give me what I've been waiting for, just to take it away?"

He sighed in response and definitely knew I was drunk. "Why don't I give you a ride home? I don't think it'd be safe for you to drive back alone... considering the way you're acting now."

"Yeah- Yeah okay." I sniffled and wiped my runny nose with my shirt. "Just please don't kidnap me, please."