Texting With The Avengers

•A Kind Message to Thanos•

You: You evil, satanic, purple, no good, panini-chinned sack of turds.

Thanos: Wait, who are you? Aren't I supposed to be dead rn?

You: Who am I? WHO AM I? I'M A FRIGGIN' AVENGER YOU FILTHY SON OF A SNOT RAG! And I'm texting you to make sure that your afterlife is a complete hell. After all, you deserve it after all the misery that you've caused the rest of the Avengers. And let's not forget the poor fandom that you left sobbing in the theater.

Thanos: Great.

You: So how's your day going?

Thanos: Pretty decent actually.

You: Oh yeah? Is it because you had a perfectly balanced breakfast? Instead of your cereal going snap, crackle, and pop, did it just go snap, snap, and dust? Are you proud of yourself because you did some dusting around the house, you toad? Hm? HM? HMMMM?

Thanos: Actually I . . . uh . . . am in love.

You: HOW DARE YOU THINK I'M EVEN INTERESTED, SWINE!!!!!!

Thanos: No, not with you. I'm in love with Death. Lady Death, actually.

You: Wait . . . so you're actually happier in death?

Thanos: I'm happier with Death. Lol.

You: Disgusting.

You: Hey, I just realized something.

Thanos: What?

You: What kind of phone are you using?

Thanos: An iPhone. Why?

You: SO IT'S AN INFINITY PHONE, HUH? DOES THAT MEAN WHEN YOU UPDATE IT, IT REMOVES HALF OF THE DATA? WAS IT 50% OFF WHEN YOU BOUGHT IT? IS THE BATTERY ALWAYS AT 50% NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU USE IT? WHEN YOU TAKE A SELFIE, DOES ONLY HALF OF YOUR HIDEOUS, UGLY, HIDEOUS, EVIL, HIDEOUS, PURPLE FACE SHOW UP ON THE SCREEN? OH AND DID I MENTION YOU'RE HIDEOUS!?

Thanos: Please calm down.

You: Nope. I can't. Calming down is a superpower that I don't have.

Thanos: Can I not be at peace?

You: AFTER WHAT YOU PULLED!? Of course!

Thanos: Really?

You: NO!

Thanos: Are you not one of the souls that I spared?

You: Well yeah . . .

Thanos: Then you have nothing to be angry about. Let me be at peace with my love.

You: What the f—

You: No reason to—

You: YOU ERASED PEOPLE THAT I LOVED OUT OF EXISTENCE! MY FRIENDS! MY FAMILY!

Thanos: Yes, I am aware.

You: YOU DESERVE TO SUFFER FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE!

Thanos: Doesn't behaving this way make you just as much of a villain?

You: Uh, no, because I didn't ERASE PEOPLE FROM EXISTENCE.

Thanos: Wow.

Thanos: Can we wrap this up? I have a date with Lady Death in five.

You: AHA! I CAN MAKE YOU MISS YOUR DATE!

Thanos: Or I can just block you.

You: BLOCK ME!?

Thanos: I don't know why I didn't think of that earlier.

You: DON'T YOU DA—

Y/N has been blocked by Thanos.

Thanos: I am . . . inevitable.

Thanos: . . . Oh. I guess I should have said that before I blocked Y/N.