Texting With The Avengers

•Respect Your Elders•

Sam has started a group text.

Sam has added Bucky.

Sam: Dude, I hate you.

Bucky: What did I do now?

Sam: Where's the shield, Barnes?

Bucky: What shield?

Sam: The shield. Steve's shield. Captain America's shield. My shield.

Bucky: I didn't take it. Why do you always I assume I take your stuff?

Bucky: Wait.

Bucky: You lost it?

Sam: No, I did not because you TOOK IT.

Bucky: Steve's going to smack you with is cane if he finds out you lost it.

Sam: I didn't lose it! Where are you hiding it?

Bucky: I DIDN'T TAKE IT!

Sam: Are you sure you didn't just hide it somewhere and forgot? Your memory isn't exactly the greatest, last time I checked.

Bucky: You did not just say that.

Sam: Ah, but I did.

Bucky: You know what? Fine. If you're gonna be like that, then . . .

Bucky has added Steve.

Sam: OH CRAP!

Sam has deleted all previous messages.

Sam: Hey, Steve. How's retirement? How's the wife?

Steve: Life is great, my friend. Bucky, why did you contact me?

Bucky: Well, you see, the man that you trusted with your beloved shield has—

Sam has removed Bucky.

Sam: He just missed you. We all do, really. Can I get you anything? A blanket? Some soup?

Steve: I'm old. I'm not sick. Jeez, guys, I can handle myself.

Steve: . . .

Steve: You lost the shield, didn't you?

Sam: WHAT!? ME? NO! BUCKY TOOK IT!

Steve has added Bucky.

Bucky: I didn't take the dang shield, bird-brain.

Sam: THAT'S JUST WHAT A LIAR WOULD SAY!

Steve: Sam . . .

Bucky: Sam . . .

Sam: OH FINE I LOST IT! HAPPY NOW?

Bucky: Yes. :)

Steve: Well, I'm not happy. I am so disappointed in you, Sam, I can't believe you did this. I trusted you with that shield and you lost it right away! This is so irresponsible. What do you have to say for yourself?

Bucky: Oh man, this is awesome. I need to get some popcorn.

Sam: Shut up, Barnes. A part of me still thinks you took it.

Steve: You didn't even acknowledge my question.

Bucky: Yeah, Sam. Didn't anyone ever tell you to respect your elders?

Sam has changed Steve to Old Steve.

Sam: There. Now I respect you.

Bucky: *eats popcorn*

Old Steve: Kids these days.

Old Steve: So where did you lose it?

Sam: What?

Old Steve: The shield.

Sam: I don't know where I lost it! That's why it's LOST!

Old Steve: I meant where did you see it last.

Sam: My bedroom. It was right by my door so I could grab it and run if I needed to but it's not there anymore. That's why I think Mr. Metal-Arm grabbed it.

Bucky: How could someone as perfect as me steal? I would never!

Old Steve: That sounded sarcastic. Buck, did you really steal it?

Bucky: NO! How many times do I have to say it!? I. DID. NOT. TOUCH. THE. SHIELD. I don't even want the dang thing!

Sam: But you diiiiiid just get your hair cut. Some people say that a hair style can change a person.

Bucky: Leave me and my perfect hair alone.

Old Steve: Sam, did you check in your closet?

Sam: Yes. It wasn't there.

Old Steve: Okay. How about in between the couch cushions?

Sam: Really? Couch cushions? This isn't the TV remote we're looking for. I lost the shield. That's just as ridiculous as saying I put it under my—

Old Steve: What? What happened?

Bucky: Good God. You put it under your bed, didn't you?

Sam: Uhhhh . . .

Old Steve: Did you just find it?

Sam: Yeah.

Bucky: Aha! I told you I didn't hide it!

Old Steve: Well, that's good. I really hope that taught you a lesson about being responsible, Sam. Is there anything that you'd like to add?

Sam: Sorry I bothered you during your retirement. And I'm sorry I was so rude. You're awesome, Cap.

Old Steve: And?

Bucky: :)

Sam: Oh yeah. Hold on.

Sam has changed Old Steve to Steve.

Steve: That's not what I meant.

Bucky: :(

Sam: Ugh. SOrRy, BuCkY.

Bucky: :)

Steve: There. Was that so hard?

Sam: *shivers* Very.

Sam: So Cap, now that the whole shield dilemma is over, wanna stick around and chat for awhile?

Steve: No, I don't think I will.

Sam: Alright. Have a nice day. Say hi to the wife for me.

Sam has removed Steve.

Bucky: That ending seemed kind of rushed.

Sam: I know what you did, Barnes.

Bucky: Oh, for God's sake! What did I do now!?

Sam: I know for a fact that I didn't put that shield under my bed, so it must have been you.

Bucky: Have you learned nothing, Wilson!?

Sam: Nope.

Bucky: You've got serious problems, Sam. Just remove me already.

Sam has removed Bucky.