You Could Be Mine

Sadness

It's been a little over four months since I told Slash I was pregnant and he couldn't be more excited. I was already starting to get things going for the nursery. I picked the room right across the hall from our bedroom so it would be an easy walk when our little bundle showed up. I went to the doctor and they said I was moving along nicely. Amanda was flying out to stay with me since Slash was on tour. The doctor agreed that it would be good to have someone around. She was flying in later today I was so excited to see her, Max was picking her up to bring her here.

I cleaned up the guess room and I even cleaned the entire house. I was very active for being pregnant which was good. I opened up the house because it was a beautiful day. I was in our bedroom and I opened up the balcony doors then walked towards the door to go downstairs, but then I heard a noise in the nursery. I turned away from the stairs walking towards the nursery "Hello?" I called out and heard the noise again. Someone was in the house. "Who's in there? This is a private residence you need to leave now!" I called out. Waiting for the person to show themselves.

Then a man with a camera came out the door taking pictures of me. I saw his face before I went blind from the flashes. I backed away from him not realizing I was by the stairs. I lost my footing, reaching out for the handrail I missed it every single time I reached out. I fell down the stairs slamming every part of my body into the stairs. I reached the bottom and I heard ringing in my ears. Everything went black, the last thing I remembered before blacking our was me grabbing my stomach.

Few hours later...

I woke up in the hospital looking around the room. I couldn't really see anything it was all blurry. After blinking a few times everything went clear, the room was empty. I heard the beeping of the machine and voices in the hallway. My first thought was 'was my child okay?' I found the call button and pressed it waiting for someone to come in. Within two minutes the nurse and the doctor came in. "Mrs. Hudson? I'm Dr. Reese." He said holding out a hand for a handshake. I took it and then jumped right into question "Is my baby okay?" He looked at the nurse then at me.

"You have obtained a concussion and bruised ribs." He started to say, but I cut him off. "What happened to my baby!" I demanded from him. He took a breath "I am sorry, but the baby did not survive. We removed her from you while you were unconscious. We have her wrapped in a blanket if you want to hold her." I didn't hear anything he said after did not survive. I looked away from him and I started to cry and scream. I wanted to get up and run, but I felt numb. Amanda came running in after hearing me scream and cry. She came right over and held me. Trying her best to console me, but I just got told my baby was dead.

An hour later...

I finally stopped crying, Amanda was sitting next to me holding my hand. "Max called slash." Amanda said to me softly. I felt my heart break more because I wasn't there with him and he wasn't here with me. "Amanda, someone broke into the house and took pictures of me causing me to fall down the stairs. The cops need to find that bastard. They need to check our security cameras." I told her in a quiet voice. She nodded then excused herself to go call the police. I laid my head back to look at the ceiling then tears flooded my eyes. I just wanted my slash to hold me and cry with me.

I was about to nod off until I heard someone yelling in the hallway "Pam!" The voice sounded so familiar and it got closer and closer "Pamela!" I knew who it was I called out "Slash!?" I then saw dark curls pass by "Slash!" I called out again and he turned around bursting into the room. "Pam!" He said rushing over to me. He wrapped his arms around me holding me tightly. "Max called and I jumped on the first flight." He said to me his hand holding my face. He placed the other hand on my stomach "the baby?" He asked and I started to cry again "She's gone." I said crying.

He teared up and set his head on my stomach. "They took her out and they said we could hold her. Before they take her away." I said to him he lifted up his head and went outside the room. Within a few minutes Duff came into the room and over to me. "What are you doing here don't you have a tour to do?" I asked him confused "I came with Slash when we got the call. I thought he needed someone to lean on and I thought you would too." He said standing next to the bed grabbing my hand then pressing a kiss to my forehead.

"Thank you duff for coming. I can't believe I lost the baby." I said feeling tears sting my eyes again. "But it wasn't your fault." He said to me. "How was it not my fault. I opened the balcony doors which led to that bastard getting in." I said to him with an upset angry tone. "He was the one who caused you to fall. It is not your fault at all." He said sitting in the chair next to the bed while still holding my hand. "I still feel like the one responsible." I said to him and I could tell he wasn't happy I felt like that.

He held my hand for a few hours and just talked to me telling me everything will be okay. I believed him. He was the best person I could have next to me at this moment. Slash came back with a smile on his face "what are you smiling about?" Duff asked him. "They caught the fucker who did this. He is going away for a long ass time." Slash said walking over to me. I was so happy that awful man was going away for what he did, but I knew that would never bring back my baby.

I was released from the hospital in two days and we were on our way home. I sat in the backseat next to Slash he held my hand tight and wouldn't let go. I knew he had to leave in four days, just after we have to bury our little baby. We decided to do a funeral and wake because the baby was of size for us to have one sadly. Slash invited his family and the rest of the band, but only Duff and Izzy accepted the invite and Izzy wasn't even in the band.

Day of the funeral....

I watched the little casket go down into the ground. I didn't cry once at the funeral because I didn't seem to grasp the concept that it was my child that was being buried in the dirt. Slash had a few tears, but he was strong and didn't show much emotion. The others were shedding tears as well. It was a cloudy day, once the casket was in the ground it started to rain. I felt like god was weeping for us and our child. I was almost a mother and Slash was almost a father, but I guess it wasn't our time.

The next day...

Slash left for his plane an hour ago with Duff and Max. Amanda was staying until she felt I was of the right mind to be left alone. "Amanda you should go home you have a job." I said to her she sighed and shook her head "I'm not leaving. I saw you didn't cry at the funeral. You're in denial and that's bad to leave someone when they are at that stage of grief." She said as she walked towards me. I knew she was right, but I didn't want to admit it.

Hours passed and I just stayed in my bed not moving unless I needed to use the bathroom. Amanda kept trying to get me out of the bed even when Slash called I tried to act like I was fine, but he knew I wasn't. I felt miserable and later that night when Amanda went to sleep I finally started to cry. I picked up the first sonogram photo of the baby and I just started crying. I ended up on the floor curled up in a ball with tears falling down my face. I couldn't believe it. It seemed like a fucking dream.