You Could Be Mine

Breaking Down Then Restarting

I finally started to calm down and Duff went to get me some water. "Are you ready to talk about what happened?" He asked me sitting down next to me again handing me the water. "It seems he thinks it's my fault. He didn't reply to me when I asked him he had to think about it." I said to him and he just looked at me in shock "Why would he even think it was your fault at all?" He asked me and I shrugged.

"He said he would've stopped me from falling and stopped me from opening the door then it escalated into something more and I asked if he thought it was my fault and he went silent. So it's like....I don't know." I said my face falling into my hands. He placed his hand on my back rubbing it "but I isn't your fault and you should know that!" Duff said to me. I kept my face in my hands I couldn't even speak. "You should go back and actually sit down and talk to him. I can come with if you want." He said to me still rubbing my back. I sat up and looked at him trying to find strength.

"Duff I'm breaking down. I am literally shattered inside. I love him and if he thinks I'm to blame for this then we clearly have no fucking relationship." I said to him pouring it all out. He just looked at me then replied "if you think that would be best, but try to work it out for now. If it can't fix itself, I'm here." He gave me a half smile. "Let's go." I said to him and we got up and headed out to my car. I let Duff drive because he was in a better mental state than I was, I felt it would've been a better option.

We arrived at my home in minutes. We pulled in and I saw Slash sitting on the front porch with his hair tied back. He saw the car and he stood up. Duff pulled it up to the garage and put in in park then turning off the engine. I got out of the car then Duff did. "Pam, I wanted to say I do not think you meant to do that. It was a accident. It was the stupid fucking paparazzi's fault for breaking and entering. I am sorry I've been a bad husband." Slash said to me holding my hands, but I couldn't even look at him. "Please talk to me." He said to me and I finally looked at him.

"Would you ever think I intended this to happen?" I asked him quietly. I had to know the truth. "No I would never think and have never thought you would intend this." He said back to me looking me in the eyes. "I love you, and always will." He continued. I looked into his eyes and I could tell he was being truthful. I took a breath "I want to try to make this work, but if it can't then I am done." I said to him and he looked at me in shock. He was silent for a moment then he responded "we can make this work." He bent down and kissed me, but I felt no spark no fire like I use to feel.

I thought that in time we would be back to our old selves, but this baby thing changed us. Definitely not for the better, but we were ready to make this work I was sure we could do it. Until that fatal day that would soon come....

Two months later....

I looked at him as we sat in the living room. We tried for two months and nothing has gotten better. We kept fighting more and more and we haven't even had sex. The words that were going to come out of my mouth were words I never dreamed or thought I would say to him. He was the love of my life, but not anymore. "Saul, I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore. We have done nothing but fight and we haven't even touched each other. There is nothing between us anymore. I...." I took a breath, I couldn't even say it. "I think we should consider getting a divorce." I finished.

I felt a sting in my eyes and I felt me jaw lock. He looked at me then at the floor "If that's what you think would be best then, let's do it." He said in a sad tone. I felt so bad saying it, it felt like someone stabbed me in the chest. I could see it felt that way to him too, but we were miserable. Why keep this up if we didn't have anything sparking between us. "We should go tomorrow and file for a divorce." I said to him and he nodded his head "okay." He said to me in a soft voice. I started to cry I finally let it all out, he saw and came over by me. "Please don't do that. We didn't cause this. It's just what was planned for us." He said to me wrapping his arms around me to comfort me.

The divorce is final....

It was done and it was official. I felt a little weight lift off me, but I felt a pain inside. I left the house to Slash and I moved out, Duff invited me to stay with him. I took him up on that offer. Him and I got closer every single day. I was so glad to have him in my life, no one knew I was living with him not even Slash, but they still remained friends and remained in the band. I sat in the kitchen reading a book when I felt arms wrap around me "good morning beautiful!" Duff said as he hugged me. I smiled at him "good morning blondie!" I said and he laughed moving to the fridge.

"So I wanted to ask you something." He said to me and I closed my book focusing on him. "Of course." I said to him with a smile. I set my chin on my hand looking at him. "Do you think we are more than friends?" He asked me and I just smiled and turned a little red. "I don't know, I mean we haven't even done anything other than hug so no probably not." I said in a teasing voice. He grabbed some water and came around the counter to me. He set the water down "well what does this make us?" He asked right before he kissed me.

It was a gentle yet passionate kiss, completely different from the kisses I shared with Slash. I finally felt the spark and the fire that I once lost. He pulled away "well?" He asked again and I turned towards him "hmm I don't know maybe try again." I said with a smile and in a teasing voice again. He smiled then kissed me again this time it was longer, he pressed his body against mine. His one hand was on my face while the other was on my waist. He pulled away and gave me a questioning look "We are most definitely more than friends. Trust me." I said to him with a smile.

"Am I allowed to go any further?" He asked me with a smirk. I looked at him with my mouth open in shock. "Well, I don't know.." I said slowly getting off the stool and moving away from him. "Only if you can catch me." I said jokingly as I headed up the stairs to his room. He bound up the stairs behind me, he grabbed my hand and pulled me to him kissing me. He let go and smirked "looks like I caught you." I smiled at him "now you may collect your prize." I said back to him.

He picked me up and carried me to the bed. We made out for a long time, but then we started to undress each other. Then we had some great sex over and over again. When we were done we laid in the bed with our bodies entwined. He lit a cigarette and we just talked about what our plans were for our relationship. While we were talking about that we heard a knock on the front door then it opened "Duff?!" We both heard slash's voice ring out in the foyer. We jumped up and we quickly got dressed, I stayed in his room while he headed downstairs to see what he wanted.

I stood by the door and listened to the conversation hoping I wouldn't come up. "Hey man what's up?" Duff said to him. "I need to confess something." Slash responded. I could someone light a cigarette then I heard duff "spill it man." I know the tone of slash's voice and it was never a good sign. He seemed to be holding something in and he seemed to be troubled in sharing it. "I shouldn't have divorced Pamela, I still love her and I can't get her out of my damn head." Slash confessed.